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which one is better for students during breaks? taking different courses or doing voluntarily work to improving the aspects of life in city's universities. v.2

which one is better for students during breaks? taking different courses or doing voluntarily work to improving the aspects of life in city's universities. v. 2
The question is whether during break semester, students should take different courses aside from their major field or being volunteer in improving some aspects of life in city' s universities. Everyone in consideration to his private view point can choose a specific point; however, I am inclined to affirm that taking diverse courses can lead students toward new perspectives of education and even more in such a great condition will provide some merits for their future. I feel this way for some reasons, which I will explore them in following essay to empower my point of view: To begin with, nobody could overlook this fact that breaks have usually been planned to remove the lethargy and fatigue feeling which have overcome the young during a heavy semester; consequently, one should not forget that the main goal of breaks is that students spend their time for exciting and happy experiences. It goes without saying that different courses can challenge youths' abilities; hence, experiencing a new thing will cause students' brain to secrete Dopamine- it is a neural messenger-. Some experts often contend that this chemical substance is able to increase pleasure and joyful and meanwhile it is responsible for creating motivation. Briefly, a variety of unrelated courses with major filed can assist students to avoid any stress and anxiety in daily life. The second reason for my argument lies the fact of interdisciplinary. Nowadays, the societies are competing with each other for achieving prosperity. Admittedly, one should notice that such a technology-driven world requires communities to have a high level of scientific knowledge. Traditionally, companies used to hire an employee with a specific skill; however, todays' those companies would rather take merging several fields into account. To elucidate, take my own experience, my major field is software engineering. One summer, I participated in an excavation trip and I could learn how to excavate in an ancient site or how to behave with the old discovered materials from underground. After returning, in fall semester, a new and appealing idea came to my mind, so I could write a computer code about determining approximate date of ancient stuff into original site without waiting for results of archaeology laboratory. To sum up, this conclusion could be drawn that the advantages of different course outweigh to its disadvantages and besides of providing happiness and experiencing new things, these types of courses can help students to suggest creative ideas.
The question is whether during break semester,
students
should take
different
courses
aside from their major field or being volunteer in improving
some
aspects of life in
city&
#039; s universities. Everyone in consideration to his private view point can choose a specific point;
however
, I
am inclined
to affirm that taking diverse
courses
can lead
students
toward
new
perspectives of education and even more in such a great condition will provide
some
merits for their future. I feel this way for
some
reasons, which I will explore them in following essay to empower my point of view:

To
begin
with, nobody could overlook this fact that breaks have
usually
been planned
to remove the lethargy and fatigue feeling which have overcome the young during a heavy semester;
consequently
, one should not forget that the main goal of breaks is that
students
spend their time for exciting and happy experiences. It goes without saying that
different
courses
can challenge
youths&
#039; abilities;
hence
, experiencing a
new
thing will cause
students&
#039; brain to secrete Dopamine- it is a neural messenger-.
Some
experts
often
contend that this chemical substance is able to increase pleasure and joyful and meanwhile it is responsible for creating motivation.
Briefly
, a variety of unrelated
courses
with major filed can assist
students
to avoid any
stress
and anxiety in daily life.

The second reason for my argument lies the fact of interdisciplinary. Nowadays, the societies are competing with each other for achieving prosperity.
Admittedly
, one should notice that such a technology-driven world requires communities to have a high level of scientific knowledge.
Traditionally
,
companies
used
to hire an employee with a specific
skill
;
however
,
todays&
#039; those
companies
would
rather
take merging several fields into account. To elucidate, take my
own
experience, my major field is software engineering. One summer, I participated in an excavation trip and I could learn how to excavate in an ancient site or how to behave with the
old
discovered materials from underground. After returning, in fall semester, a
new
and appealing
idea
came to my mind,
so
I could write a computer code about determining approximate date of ancient stuff into original site without waiting for results of archaeology laboratory.

To sum up, this conclusion could
be drawn
that the advantages of
different
course
outweigh to its disadvantages and
besides
of providing happiness and experiencing
new
things, these types of
courses
can
help
students
to suggest creative
ideas
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay which one is better for students during breaks? taking different courses or doing voluntarily work to improving the aspects of life in city's universities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
403 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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