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Some people think that government should give money to creative people such as artists and musicians. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think that government should give money to creative people such as artists and musicians. v. 1
A lot of people suppose that sporting success is only for the fittest and strongest individuals, while others think that mental attitude has major impacts on success. My essay will discuss these views and then I will elaborate on my opinion. To begin with, it is often to say that in sport, the team with vigorous and well-built members is more likely to be successful. It is because these athletes gain so much strength during long hours of extensive physical training, which made their body work at its maximum capacity. For example, football players who spent a lot of time in the gym to have the best physical condition, such as muscular strength and endurance, therefore, they can maintain the strongest physique in the pitch during the match. As a result, they can perform well and probably escalating their chances to win against their opponents. On the other hand, mental factors also are a huge essential role in sporting success, which could be motivation, concentration, and emotional control. Firstly, motivation is important for any areas people want to optimize their performance, especially in sports. For instance, athletes experience constant ups-and-down, wins and losses during their career, therefore intrinsic motivation and love for what they do, which usually helps them recover after getting a terrible result. Secondly, most of the sports always require high concentration from athletes. Because every action or movement also is required exactly, if athletics does not concentrate intensely on the tournament, they can lose wins from the competitors. From the above-mentioned ideas, I acknowledge that good physical conditions could bring advantages to both individuals and teams. But mental factors are indispensable in sporting success. Hence, I suppose that people should take mental and physical training to achieve more success in sport careers. In conclusion, people argue that becoming successful in sports, that requires strong physical, while others think the opposite that mental attitudes are a major factor. From my perspective, having a robust body and positive outlook are both imperative for the people in the sport.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suppose that sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the fittest and strongest individuals, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
attitude has major impacts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. My essay will discuss these views and then I will elaborate on my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
to say that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, the team with vigorous and well-built members is more likely to be successful. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these athletes gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much strength during long hours of extensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training, which made their body work at its maximum capacity.
For example
, football players who spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time in the gym to have the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
condition, such as muscular strength and endurance,
therefore
, they can maintain the strongest physique in the pitch during the match.
As a result
, they can perform well and
probably
escalating their chances to win against their opponents.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
factors
also
are a huge essential role in sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, which could be motivation, concentration, and emotional control.
Firstly
, motivation is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for any areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to optimize their performance,
especially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For instance
, athletes experience constant ups-and-down, wins and losses during their career,
therefore
intrinsic motivation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for what they do, which
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them recover after getting a terrible result.
Secondly
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
always require high concentration from athletes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
every action or movement
also
is required
exactly, if athletics does not concentrate
intensely
on the tournament, they can lose wins from the competitors.

From the above-mentioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, I acknowledge that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
conditions could bring advantages to both individuals and teams.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
factors are indispensable in sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
Hence
, I suppose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training to achieve more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
careers.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that becoming successful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, that requires strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the opposite that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
attitudes are a major factor. From my perspective, having a robust body and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outlook are both imperative for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that government should give money to creative people such as artists and musicians. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
339 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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