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In your opinion, why is the circus still a popular form of entertainment in the modern electronic age? v.2

In your opinion, why is the circus still a popular form of entertainment in the modern electronic age? v. 2
The circus is still an attractive type of entertainment nowadays. Although myriad types of amusement are now available between our hands by means of phones, tablets and laptops, circuses can still draw attentions of many people. In my point of view, main reasons for that are children and traditional appeal of it. Firstly it is known by everyone that today people are utilising and dealing with technology and its advantages more than everything else. It has been an undeniable part of our everyday life. A life without electronics is imperceptible for modern people. However, people always want something distinct and spread their sights to visual and attractive distractions. One of the most spectacular and concurrent attractions is undoubtedly the circus whose history is extended to thousands of years ago. Various shows there have fascinated people for a long time and are still fascinating enough to people who have never seen acrobats, dancers, clowns and people who are playing with domestic lions, elephants, snakes and other dangerous animals. On the other hand, people have the other reasons to participate in circus shows their children. Kids who are interested in almost everything are keen on to watch dancing animals and jugglers. Hence, parents take their children to this kind of shows to make them aware of what is going on out there and show them exotic animals. Therefore, amazed kids want with a desire to go the circus again and observe other types of shows. To conclude, in my opinion, visual attractions of the circus and attraction by children are two predominant reasons for the popularity of the circus. It seems its progress in popularity will not decrease in forthcoming future too.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
circus
is
still
an attractive type of entertainment nowadays. Although myriad types of amusement are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
available between our hands by means of phones, tablets and laptops, circuses can
still
draw attentions of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my point of view, main reasons for that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and traditional appeal of it.

Firstly
it
is known
by everyone that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
and dealing with technology and its advantages more than everything else. It has been an undeniable part of our everyday life. A life without electronics is imperceptible for modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always want something distinct and spread their sights to visual and attractive distractions. One of the most spectacular and concurrent attractions is
undoubtedly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
circus
whose history
is extended
to thousands of years ago. Various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
there have fascinated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for a long time and are
still
fascinating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
acrobats, dancers, clowns and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are playing with domestic lions, elephants, snakes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
animals.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
circus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Kids who
are interested
in almost everything are keen on to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
dancing animals and jugglers.
Hence
, parents take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them aware of what is going on out there and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
them exotic animals.
Therefore
, amazed kids want with a desire to go the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
circus
again and observe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.

To conclude
, in my opinion, visual attractions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
circus
and attraction by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are two predominant reasons for the popularity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
circus
. It seems its progress in popularity will not decrease in forthcoming future too.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In your opinion, why is the circus still a popular form of entertainment in the modern electronic age? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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