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In your opinion, what incentives could be offered that would persuade more people to embrace electric cars? v.2

In your opinion, what incentives could be offered that would persuade more people to embrace electric cars? v. 2
There are myriad approaches which can motivate people to select electric cars enthusiastically. This essay discusses about two effective strategies which would encourage people to substitute electric vehicles with present transportation means. These days, a considerable part of commutes not only in the cities but also between them are performed by automobiles. while, the transportation cost covers a significant portion of people’s expenditures. I suppose that, if governments provided transportation systems which are based on electrical power energy with less cost than present vehicles which are fueled by fossil energy, it would lead people to embrace electric automobiles. For instance, decreasing or even removing taxes for electric vehicles manufacturers and and their consumers would be an executable solution which can lead people to embrace electric transportation means. Moreover, nowadays, the air pollution has become a serious problem in modern crowed cities which threatens the health of citizens and the governments should deal with it. A 2020 research in Stanford university reports that the gases which are released from cars’ exhausts make up approximately 42% of air polluting components. Thus, replacing electric cars which their power is supplied by renewable sources such as solar or wind energy can undoubtedly solve considerable amount of problems. As a result, I strongly believe that if the people informed about their decision of electric means, they would accept it eagerly. To conclude, as mentioned above, reducing the cost of new electric transportation systems would be the most effectual incentive which can make them more popular. In addition, people would substitute electric cars, if they became aware of how much it cuts down the amount of toxic fumes which are exhausted by fossil fuels.
There are myriad approaches which can motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to select
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
enthusiastically
. This essay
Did you mean simply "discusses two"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discusses about two
effective strategies which would encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to substitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electric
vehicles with present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
means.

These days, a considerable part of commutes not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
between them
are performed
by automobiles.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
cost covers a significant portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
expenditures. I suppose that, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
systems which
are based
on electrical power energy with less cost than present vehicles which
are fueled
by fossil energy, it would lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to embrace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electric
automobiles.
For instance
, decreasing or even removing taxes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electric
vehicles manufacturers
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
their consumers would be an executable solution which can lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to embrace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
means.

Moreover
, nowadays, the air pollution has become a serious problem in modern crowed cities which threatens the health of citizens and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should deal with it. A 2020 research in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Stanford university
reports that the gases which
are released
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars’
exhausts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up approximately 42% of air polluting components.
Thus
, replacing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
which their power
is supplied
by renewable sources such as solar or wind energy can
undoubtedly
solve considerable amount of problems.
As a result
, I
strongly
believe that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
informed about their decision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electric
means, they would accept it
eagerly
.

To conclude
, as mentioned above, reducing the cost of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
systems would be the most effectual incentive which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more popular.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would substitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electric
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, if they became aware of how much it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
down the amount of toxic fumes which
are exhausted
by fossil fuels.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay In your opinion, what incentives could be offered that would persuade more people to embrace electric cars? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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