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Some companies in the United States have developed "wellness" programs that give rewards or incentives to employees for achieving certain health-related goals, such as stopping smoking or losing weight. The rewards and incentives include cash pr v.2

Some companies in the United States have developed "wellness" programs that give rewards or incentives to employees for achieving certain health-related goals, such as stopping smoking or losing weight. The rewards and incentives include cash pr v. 2
In the present situation where the importance of teaching is increasing, it has been a debatable issue whether the role of competitive teachers for educational success is essential or not while some people believe that individual attitudes are more significant. In this essay, the issues will be examined carefully, and then I am going to give my opinion. To begin with, it is certainly true that the qualifications and compelling teaching methods help students to make a difference while teachers with poor skills and passion might harm the most important goal in studying, better grades and appropriate approaches to subjects. For instance, when I was a high school student in South Korea, almost all students studied English, depending on only textbooks because, at the time, there were no teachers who can speak and communicate in English in the right ways under the compulsory education courses. Therefore, the students felt an enormous amount of frustration as they had to learn everything, such as IPA symbols, the order of translations and actual conversations, from scratch again after their graduation. On the other hand, some opponents disagree with the previous perception since they believe that individual efforts are more crucial for educational achievements. To be specific, the case of a renowned football player, Ji Sung Park, can be a suitable reference. Park spent his juvenile period under the outdated environment with obsolete trainers, but he could discover more effective training methods, such as writing a tactical discipline journal by many trials and errors. In the long run, he was able to join one of the best football teams in the world at the time, Manchester United F. C. , later. In conclusion, it seems reasonable that individual efforts are vital for success in education, but I am personally convinced that teachers’ role is more significant because detrimental instructions can be burdens for students' valuable time.
In the present situation where the importance of teaching is increasing, it has been a debatable issue whether the role of competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
for educational success is essential or not while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that individual attitudes are more significant. In this essay, the issues will
be examined
carefully
, and then I am going to give my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
certainly
true that the qualifications and compelling teaching methods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
with poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and passion might harm the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
goal in studying, better grades and appropriate approaches to subjects.
For instance
, when I was a high school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in South Korea, almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studied English, depending on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
textbooks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, at the time, there were no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
who can speak and communicate in English in the right ways under the compulsory education courses.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
felt an enormous amount of frustration as they had to learn everything, such as IPA symbols, the order of translations and actual conversations, from scratch again after their graduation.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opponents disagree with the previous perception since they believe that individual efforts are more crucial for educational achievements. To be specific, the case of a renowned football player,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ji
Sung Park, can be a suitable reference. Park spent his juvenile period under the outdated environment with obsolete trainers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he could discover more effective training methods, such as writing a tactical discipline journal by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
trials and errors. In the long run, he was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
one of the best football teams in the world at the time, Manchester United F. C.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
later.

In conclusion
, it seems reasonable that individual efforts are vital for success in education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am
personally
convinced that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers’
role is more significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
detrimental instructions can be burdens for students' valuable time.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some companies in the United States have developed "wellness" programs that give rewards or incentives to employees for achieving certain health-related goals, such as stopping smoking or losing weight. The rewards and incentives include cash pr v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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