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In today's world, people are living longer than the past. What could be possible reasons for this? Many people think that this trend is negative for society. v.1

In today's world, people are living longer than the past. What could be possible reasons for this? Many people think that this trend is negative for society. v. 1
As the world's economy has grown considerably, earning potential amongst people has increased at a quicker rate. Besides, the advancement in technology and medical research have made it possible to cure many diseases. Thus these have enhanced people's lifestyle. Moreover, medical developments have also affected the human health condition very positively and this gives a longer life expectancy to people. Many people think that increased average life is beneficial for the society. However, others criticise it and think that this is negative for the world. In this essay, both of these views are analysed before a logical conclusion is reached. The medical advancement, innovation and scientific research on deadly diseases have made it possible for people to live longer than the previous generations. The improved lifestyle, globalisation and better medical facilities have increased the average life expectancy in many countries. The scarcity of foods and shelter was much more in the previous generations and famine was common in the last century but not anymore. People have better lifestyle and information at their fingertips. As a result, their health condition has enhanced and so has their life expectancy. Consequently, the ratio of the older population has increased in many countries. That creates a pressure to some extent on a country's economy. For example, countries like Japan have a huge population of 60-70 years old who cannot actively contribute towards the economic growth of the country but the government needs a huge budget to support them. This has even led to a shortage of manpower in different sectors in some countries. Moreover, the government also needs to provide schemes for elderly people like pension schemes as well as other economic benefits for them. This is often a challenge in a developing or less-developed country. Thus the negative impacts of increased life expectancy can not be ignored. However, there are certain benefits of longer living that we must take into consideration before supporting or opposing it. For instance, If elderly people get involved in the decision-making process and in professions like politics, teaching, writing, mentoring, the country can be benefitted immensely. The older generation can pass their history, traditions and experience among the young generation and  that would always be beneficial. For instance, in Indian grandparents have a great importance while taking any important decision. Additionally, they can also be able to take care of any child of the family. Obviously, children require love, lesson, teaching and sympathy which they can get from their grandparents. From this relationship among family members can become stronger. It is quite evident that longer life has more benefits than drawbacks. The experience of older people could be used in education, politics and in other fields to enhance the overall economy of a country. Older people can give better suggestion to address a difficult situation from their experience and those experiences should be used in family and society. They preserve the manual way of living live and that has a great value to our society. After analysing, pros and cons of longer life expectancy, it has been proved that increases life gives more benefits to the society. I, therefore, strongly oppose the viewpoint that longer life trend is negative for the society. It is hoped that this trend will be effective in foreseeable future.
As the world's economy has grown
considerably
, earning potential amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
at a quicker rate.
Besides
, the advancement in technology and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
research have made it possible to cure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
these have enhanced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's lifestyle.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
developments have
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the human health condition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
positively
and this gives a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
However
, others
Possible spelling mistake. 'criticise' is British English.
criticise
it and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
for the world. In this essay, both of these views are
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a logical conclusion
is reached
.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
advancement, innovation and scientific research on deadly diseases have made it possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
than the previous generations. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
lifestyle,
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
and better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
facilities have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
scarcity of foods and shelter was much more in the previous generations and famine was common in the last century
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not anymore.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have better lifestyle and information at their fingertips.
As a result
, their health condition has enhanced and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
has their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy.

Consequently
, the ratio of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
population has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. That creates a pressure to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent on a country's economy.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Japan have a huge population of 60-70 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
who cannot
actively
contribute towards the economic growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs a huge budget to support them. This has even led to a shortage of manpower in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
needs to provide schemes for elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like pension schemes
as well
as other economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
for them. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a challenge in a developing or less-developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

However
, there are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
living that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take into consideration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
supporting or opposing it.
For instance
, If elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in the decision-making process and in professions like politics, teaching, writing, mentoring, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
immensely
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation can pass their history, traditions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
the young generation and
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
that would always be beneficial.
For instance
, in Indian grandparents have a great importance while taking any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
decision.
Additionally
, they can
also
be able to take care of any child of the family.
Obviously
, children require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, lesson, teaching and sympathy which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from their grandparents. From this relationship
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
family members can become stronger. It is quite evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
than drawbacks. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in education, politics and in other fields to enhance the
overall
economy of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can give better suggestion to address a difficult situation from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. They preserve the manual way of living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and that has a great value to our society.

After
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
, pros and cons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expectancy, it has
been proved
that increases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
gives more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. I,
therefore
,
strongly
oppose the viewpoint that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
trend is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. It
is hoped
that this trend will be effective in foreseeable future.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
57Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay In today's world, people are living longer than the past. What could be possible reasons for this? Many people think that this trend is negative for society. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
546 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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