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In today’s world of science and technology, we still greatly value our artists suchas musician, writers, painters. What can arts tell us about that science and technology cannot? v.2

In today’s world of science and technology, we still greatly value our artists suchas musician, writers, painters. What can arts tell us about that science and technology cannot? v. 2
Nowadays, people are living in a digital age that science and technology achieved such a credible achievement. However, the aesthetic qualities of arts which were created by artists are still cherished thank to the priceless value that they have given to humans. First of all, it is certainly true that arts have ability to boost our emotions and change people’s feelings especially, music and literary. Many psychologists proved that music is one of the effective methods which could be used to cure patience of psychology because listening to music is able to lift up people’s mood and take out the stresses. For literary, It is contributable to widen the knowledge and change the way people see the world. The talented playwrights putting people in both pessimistic and optimistic scenario help them always willing to deal with difficulties in those real lives. Secondly, the rich literary ans artistic heritage give people chance to exploit the culture an dhistory of a nation. Arts and history always go abreast with each other or in other word, arts reflect how the past actually was. For instance, in 1940s, Vietnam was in chaos, the famine due to a dearth of food, illiteracy because of war and there are many different disasters that were depicted in most of work of literary and paintings at that time such as “Tat den” by Ngo Tat To, “Lao Hac” by Nam Cao. Furthermore, arts also provide a link to our roots. It towards people to the old value that would take shape in a strong sense of identity of a person. Another proof is the folk song festival held every year still attracts a huge of people, not only old people but also the young generations to visit. In conclusion, although I accept that science ans technology make life easier than ever but I still believe that the position of arts as well as artists cannot be replace thank to the entertaining value and the nationalism that people got from their.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living in a digital age that science and technology achieved such a credible achievement.
However
, the aesthetic qualities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
which
were created
by artists are
still
cherished thank to the priceless value that they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to humans.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
certainly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
have ability to boost our emotions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
feelings
especially
, music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literary
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
psychologists proved that music is one of the effective methods which could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to cure patience of psychology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
listening to music is able to
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "lift".
lift up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mood and take out the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literary
, It is
Possible spelling mistake found.
contributable
to widen the knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the world. The talented playwrights putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in both pessimistic and optimistic scenario
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them always willing to deal with difficulties in those real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Secondly
, the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literary
ans artistic heritage give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
chance to exploit the culture
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
dhistory of a nation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Arts
and history always go abreast with each other or in other word,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
reflect how the past actually was.
For instance
,
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1940s".
in 1940s
, Vietnam was in chaos, the famine due to a dearth of food, illiteracy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of war and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
disasters that
were depicted
in
Consider using "most work" or "most of the work".
most of work
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literary
and paintings at that time such as “Tat den” by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ngo
Tat To, “Lao
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hac
” by Nam
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cao
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
also
provide a link to our roots. It towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
value that would take shape in a strong sense of identity of a person. Another proof is the folk song festival held every year
still
attracts
The phrase 'a huge of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a huge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the young generations to visit.

In conclusion
, although I accept that science ans technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life easier than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
still
believe that the position of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as well
as artists cannot be
Consider using the past participle "replaced"?
replace
thank to the entertaining value and the nationalism that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
from their.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay In today’s world of science and technology, we still greatly value our artists suchas musician, writers, painters. What can arts tell us about that science and technology cannot? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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