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Few languages are increasingly spoken in diffirent countries while the usage of others is rapidly declining. Is it a positive or negative development? v.2

Few languages are increasingly spoken in diffirent countries while the usage of others is rapidly declining. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2
Few languages such as English, Chinese, Spanish are becoming more popular all around the world, whereas other languages seem to be faded right in their own nations. In my opinion, I believe that this tendency has its own advantages and disadvantages. On the on hand, it is certainly true that countries which use international languages as a official language have more chances to develop their economy via boosting multilateral trade. For an example, Singapore, at first just a small island, located in the Southeast Asia but all Singaporean are able to speak English fluently, so that they achieved such an incredible growth and have become a nation with cultural diversity so far. Secondly, Speaking globe languages help countries using them appeal a huge of tourist because it is easier for overseas visitors to communicate with local people. For instance, most of Filipino have ability to speak English as their mother tongue. Therefore, the number of foreigners coming to the Philipines is nearly twice as much as higher than that of other nations in the same areas. On the other hand, the gradual disappearance of other languages definitely do harmful to the society. First of all, losing the traditional languages is synonymous with losing a strong sense of identity, then the young generation would not know about their original. National languages provide a link to people’s roots. Therefore, without national langues, people tend to dismiss the traditional values and this one leads to an embarking situation that the cultural activities, national costume and all the things belonging to tradition will be forgotten. In conclusion, while I accept that it would be more beneficial for people to speak international languages but I still suppose that the national languages should be cherished and not be forgotten.
Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
such as English, Chinese, Spanish are becoming more popular all around the world, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
seem to
be faded
right in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nations. In my opinion, I believe that this tendency has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages and disadvantages.

On the on hand, it is
certainly
true that countries which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
official
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
have more chances to develop their economy via boosting multilateral trade. For an example, Singapore, at
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
island, located in the Southeast Asia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all Singaporean are able to speak English
fluently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they achieved such an incredible growth and have become a nation with cultural diversity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far.
Secondly
, Speaking globe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
countries using them appeal
The phrase 'a huge of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a huge of
tourist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is easier for overseas visitors to communicate with local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, most of Filipino have ability to speak English as their mother tongue.
Therefore
, the number of foreigners coming to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Philipines
is
nearly
twice as much as higher than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations in the same areas.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the gradual disappearance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
definitely do harmful to the society.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, losing the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
is synonymous with losing a strong sense of identity, then the young generation would not know about their original.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
National
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
provide a link to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
roots.
Therefore
, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
Possible spelling mistake found.
langues
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to dismiss the traditional values and this one leads to an embarking situation that the cultural activities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
costume and all the things belonging to tradition will
be forgotten
.

In conclusion
, while I accept that it would be more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to speak international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
still
suppose that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
should
be cherished
and not
be forgotten
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Few languages are increasingly spoken in diffirent countries while the usage of others is rapidly declining. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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