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In many schools and unversities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g languages) and boys choose science subjects (eg. physic). What do you think are the reasons? Do you think that this tendency should be changed? v.2

In many schools and unversities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g languages) and boys choose science subjects (eg. physic). What do you think are the reasons? Do you think that this tendency should be changed? v. 2
It is common in education systems all over the world that girls attempt to learn about arts subjects while boys are more interested in sciences. There are various reasons behind this point of views and I personally suppose that this trend need to be converted. There there two primary reasons. One reason is that the society always exists a mindset of sexual discrimination. Individuals believe that women only have ability to learn art subjects. Furthermore, science subjects are not their field. Similarity, People also suppose that men have a good grasp of subjects belonging to sciences or technologies. For an example, women are believed to work as teachers or chefs while engineer, scientist are only for men. Another reason is gender-specific characteristic that women themselves are attracted more by arts subjects and men in favor of sciences. Due to the feminine, selecting art subjects helps most of woman to guarantee a successful career, likewise, thanks to the logicality of men’s brains, it is easier for them to pursue a science field. I am convinced that this tendency should be changed as fast as possible. People have freedom to choose whatever they like instead of limiting themselves because of the gender mindset. There are a lot of women who are rejected to attend science classes just because they are female. For an example, in Japan, a medical university fixed the results of the entrance test of woman to rule out them. It is unfair for women and a number of women proved that they are able to do whatever men do, as a scientist, a politician and achieved such incredible achievements such as Marie Curie, Hilary Clinton. It also happened to male, there are wide range of men who famous for being hair stylist, doing make up like Nam Trung. Moreover, changes in people’ s mind will open the door to golden opportunities to youngsters who are in search of chances to show up themselves and balance the workforce. In conclusion, there are many reasons for this situation and in my opinion, It should be changed for a better world.
It is common in education systems all over the world that girls attempt to learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
while boys are more interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
. There are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind this point of views and I
personally
suppose that this trend need to
be converted
.

Possible typo: you repeated a word
There there
two primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that the society always exists a mindset of sexual discrimination. Individuals believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have ability to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are not their field. Similarity,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
also
suppose that
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men
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grasp of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
belonging to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
or technologies. For an example,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are believed
to work as teachers or chefs while engineer, scientist are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is gender-specific characteristic that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
themselves
are attracted
more by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in favor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
. Due to the feminine, selecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
Consider using "most woman" or "most of the woman".
most of woman
to guarantee a successful career,
likewise
, thanks to the logicality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men’s
brains, it is easier for them to pursue a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
field.

I
am convinced
that this tendency should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as possible.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have freedom to choose whatever they like
instead
of limiting themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the gender mindset. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who
are rejected
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
classes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are female. For an example, in Japan, a medical university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
the results of the entrance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
of woman to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
out them. It is unfair for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
proved that they are able to do whatever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
do, as a scientist, a politician and achieved such incredible achievements such as Marie Curie, Hilary Clinton. It
also
happened to male, there are wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for being hair stylist, doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up like Nam
Possible spelling mistake found.
Trung
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’ s mind will open the door to golden opportunities to youngsters who are in search of chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up themselves and balance the workforce.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for this situation and in my opinion, It should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
for a better world.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay In many schools and unversities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g languages) and boys choose science subjects (eg. physic). What do you think are the reasons? Do you think that this tendency should be changed? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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