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In today’s world of science and technology, we still greatly value our artists suchas musician, writers, painters. What can arts tell us about that science and technology cannot? v.1

In today’s world of science and technology, we still greatly value our artists suchas musician, writers, painters. What can arts tell us about that science and technology cannot? v. 1
Nowadays, the advancement of technology has allowed the society to travel and communicate easily in around the world. In my opinion, I think that it can bring more benefits to the community compared to any drawbacks it might bring. On the one hand, the development of advanced technology, I believe, has brought some serious benefits. Firstly, it significantly helps to enhance the society's mental health. This is due to the fact that it helps to promote happiness and allows the public to escape from stressful situations. In Japan, for instance, the country heavily encourages its citizen to travel in order to reduce the suicidal death rates by providing additional income towards their holidays. Maintaining relationship, furthermore, can be achieved through electronic communication such as WhatsApp, Facebook and Twitter. This is because face-to-face interaction can be done easily via internet and mobile phones, regardless of the distance or time. On the other hand, admittedly, there are also basic disadvantages that the society might encounter from the development of travels and e-communication. One potential problem is that the difficulties in adjusting with new cultures. At present, many tourists and immigrants find it challenging when being faced with unusual traditions in a new country, due to the cultural differences. Another possible issue is that cyber criminals can attack vulnerable information through online applications. Since electronic users are generally unprotected from firewalls, they are likely to be the victim of identity thefts from hackers in the long run. In conclusion, mental health improvements and easier communication amongst the community far outweighs any of the minor problems that could result from the development of communication technology and transportation.
Nowadays, the advancement of technology has
allowed
the society to travel and communicate
easily
in around the world. In my opinion, I
think
that it can bring more benefits to the community compared to any drawbacks it might bring.

On the one hand, the development of advanced technology, I believe, has brought
some
serious benefits.
Firstly
, it
significantly
helps
to enhance the society's mental health.
This is due to the fact that
it
helps
to promote happiness and
allows
the public to escape from stressful situations. In Japan,
for instance
, the country
heavily
encourages its citizen to travel in order to
reduce
the suicidal death rates by providing additional income towards their holidays. Maintaining relationship,
furthermore
, can
be achieved
through electronic communication such as WhatsApp, Facebook and Twitter. This is
because
face-to-face interaction can
be done
easily
via internet and mobile phones, regardless of the distance or time.

On the other hand
,
admittedly
, there are
also
basic disadvantages that the society might encounter from the development of travels and e-communication. One potential problem is that the difficulties in adjusting with new cultures. At present,
many
tourists and immigrants find it challenging when
being faced
with unusual traditions in a new country, due to the cultural differences. Another possible issue is that cyber criminals can attack vulnerable information through online applications. Since electronic users are
generally
unprotected from firewalls, they are likely to be the victim of identity thefts from hackers in the long run.

In conclusion
, mental health improvements and easier communication amongst the community far outweighs any of the minor problems that could result from the development of communication technology and transportation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In today’s world of science and technology, we still greatly value our artists suchas musician, writers, painters. What can arts tell us about that science and technology cannot? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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