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In today's world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can the arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot? v.2

In today's world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can the arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot? v. 2
The modern world opens many opportunities for humans. Sciences and technologies are developed a lot, it gives humans knowledge about another planet like Mars, but it cannot give information about human emotions. Therefore, societies also respect and appreciate people doing art such as artist, musicians and writers. It does not matter which century we are living, I do believe that arts still have an important role in humans lives. Arts is something that really powerful because it contains human reactions in every single work, especially music. A song can express humans feeling through the words, tone and notes. This is exactly how a musician or songwriter work. The most important thing in doing arts in finding the rhythm between humans and artworks and music is the most common thing can do it. For instance, when I feel upset, tired or need to take a deep breathe because my life is so messy, I usually listen to songs that have written by Yurima. It brings me a feeling of peace. In fact, from many years, art is like a tool for people to their thinkings and minds to others. In the other hand, arts also can let human understand the other perspective through drawings and books. Honestly, most of the drawings carry the feelings of the painters. Sometimes the feeling that we have from the masterpiece depends on our mood at that period. It is easier to get into other hearts by expressing the feeling through words, which usually can be seen in books. When we write, we seem to try to put all of our emotions such as angry or happy to make the others understand and feel it. In conclusion, there are plenty of things that science and technology could not give us, but the arts could. None of us guarantees that we always can explain our reactions smoothly. So that is the reason why artists still receive a reception of their works. I do believe that life is will be boring if there is no art. So lets arts tell you about your life adventure!
The modern world opens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
. Sciences and technologies
are developed
a lot, it gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
knowledge about another planet like Mars,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it cannot give information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
emotions.
Therefore
, societies
also
respect and appreciate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
such as artist, musicians and writers. It does not matter which century we are living, I do believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
still
have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Arts is something that
really
powerful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it contains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
reactions in every single work,
especially
music. A song can express
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
through the words, tone and notes. This is exactly how a musician or songwriter work. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing in doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
in finding the rhythm between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and artworks and music is the most common thing can do it.
For instance
, when I feel upset, tired or need to take a deep breathe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
my life is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
messy, I
usually
listen to songs that have written by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yurima
. It brings me a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
of peace. In fact, from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is like a tool for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
thinkings
and minds to others.

In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
perspective through drawings and books.
Honestly
, most of the drawings carry the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feelings
of the painters.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
that we have from the masterpiece depends on our mood at that period. It is easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hearts by expressing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
through words, which
usually
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in books. When we write, we seem to try to put all of our emotions such as angry or happy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the others understand and feel it.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of things that science and technology could not give us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
could. None of us guarantees that we always can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
our reactions
smoothly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that is
the reason why artists
still
receive a reception of their works. I do believe that life is will be boring if there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you about your life adventure!
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In today's world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can the arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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