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In today's world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot? v.10

In today's world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot? v. 10
It is true that science and technology, nowadays, have benefitted the whole world in all aspects. Although science and technology have a greater impact in our lives, the role of artists is unforgettable, and they contribute a lot in our lives. There are many things that artists can tell us about life that science and technology failed to.   To commence with, communication between people in every nation which is the language that they speak with each other, in fact, is a branch of art, this gives people the sense of humanity, and this perhaps the only difference between human beings and animals. Furthermore, creative people can boost us emotionally and change our feelings. For example, lots of  Beethoven's fans listen to his music pieces because they feel relieved and motivated, so music controls our emotions and translates our feelings. Another field in which we learn from art is related to culture and history.   Many states show their history through a piece of painting  or the way that people dance and wear, for the majority of people this is the sort of entertainment too, there are people who travel around the globe to visit historical places and art galleries. By contrast, this is not the case when science and technology are considered as they all about practical and physical aspect and do not contribute in our lives emotionally and socially. To conclude, there is no denying the fact that science and technology have great value in our life. However, artists can teach people about many aspects of their life that the former cannot.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, nowadays, have
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
the whole world in all aspects. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have a greater impact in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, the role of artists is unforgettable, and they contribute a lot in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that artists can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us about life that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
failed to.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
To commence with, communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in every nation which is the language that they speak with each other, in fact, is a branch of art, this gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the sense of humanity, and this perhaps the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
difference between human beings and animals.
Furthermore
, creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can boost us
emotionally
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our feelings.
For example
, lots of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Beethoven's fans listen to his music pieces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel relieved and motivated,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
music controls our emotions and translates our feelings.

Another field in which we learn from art
is related
to culture and history.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
states
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their history through a piece of painting
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
or the way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dance and wear, for the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
this is the sort of entertainment too, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who travel around the globe to visit historical places and art galleries. By contrast, this is not the case when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are considered
as they all about practical and physical aspect and do not contribute in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
emotionally
and
socially
.

To conclude
, there is no denying the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
have great value in our life.
However
, artists can teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of their life that the former cannot.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In today's world of advanced science and technology, we still greatly value our artists such as musicians, painters and writers. What can arts tell us about life that science and technology cannot? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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