Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. v.6

In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. v. 6
In the current time of technological advancements; one of the most pressing concerns regarding the given topic asserts that whether children get an extra benefit, if the both parents work or not? Through this essay, I shall explore the dimensions of this topic from both points of views and shape up my opinion by the end. On the one hand, there are some people who believe that if the parents are working, children get number of benefits and lead a charmful and affluent life. They bolster their view point by claiming that in this materialistic world, it would be extremely difficult for the parents to survive with their children without enough money, therefore, it is must for both parents to work to fulfill the needs and wishes of their children. For instance, children take participation in various activities, apart from schooling, such as going to trips, campaigns, expensive toys or school functions and they want things out of the use, just for the sake of pleasure, which required humongous amount of money, if tge parents would go out for work, then, they would be capable of fulfill their child' s dreams. On the other hand, there are some antagonists to this assertion who further claim that children become isolated and far from their patents if the parents are working. Moreover, they need an emotional support in such a childish age and due to the lack of it, they can follow negative paths and probably, become prone to behavioural problems. One epitome of this is that childhood is the part when children need their parents close to them so that they can share their feelings and acquire precise guidance from them in the early stage of their lives. Nevertheless, weighing both the opinions, I tend to believe that although, children lack emotional support and time from their parents, however, it is also not possible to survive properly unless both the parents do not work.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
time of technological advancements; one of the most pressing concerns regarding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
topic asserts that whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an extra benefit, if the both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or not? Through this essay, I shall explore the dimensions of this topic from both points of views and shape up my opinion by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
number of benefits and lead a
Possible spelling mistake found.
charmful
and affluent life. They bolster their view point by claiming that in this materialistic world, it would be
extremely
difficult for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to survive with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money,
therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to fulfill the needs and wishes of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
take participation in various activities, apart from schooling, such as going to trips, campaigns, expensive toys or school
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
functions and
they want things out of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the sake of pleasure, which required humongous amount of money, if
Possible spelling mistake found.
tge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would go out for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, then, they would be capable of fulfill their
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s dreams.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
antagonists to this assertion who
further
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become isolated and far from their patents if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working.
Moreover
, they need an emotional support in such a childish age and due to the lack of it, they can follow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
paths and
probably
, become prone to
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
problems. One epitome of this is that childhood is the part when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
close to them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can share their feelings and acquire precise guidance from them in the early stage of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Nevertheless
, weighing both the opinions, I tend to believe that although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lack emotional support and time from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
however
, it is
also
not possible to survive
properly
unless both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts