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The death penalty is the best way to control and reduce serious crime. To what extent do you agree? v.3

The death penalty is the best way to control and reduce serious crime. v. 3
It has been a long journey for governments how to deal with crimes and their respective punishments. From using guillotines and electric cars to life sentences and community service. The question still remains unanswered. What is a befitting punishment for a serious crime? In my idea, there are two main approaches to answer this question. Primarily a punishment is enforced by the law to prevent further crimes. Death sentence used to be the ultimate punishment for this matter. It was a big scary message to potential criminals and also a farewell to an actual one. However we still encounter a cold-blooded murderer every now and again. So we must strongly doubt the effectiveness of the death penalty as it seems that nothing, even the fatal blade of a guillotine, is enough to stop a man from implementing his cruel intentions. This brings us to the second influential factor: justice and morality. The whole reason governments or religions or any kind of moral system exists, is to answer the hunger for justice we all have in our nature. Morality rules that homicide is wrong and logic decides that the just penalty is also homicide. But as societies evolved, we all became aware that crime cannot diminish unless we change our ways; that peace is the path towards justice. To sum up the arguments, the death penalty is neither effective nor moral. The rate of executions has dropped dramatically in this century, but there are still countries that continue to execute their criminals based on religious laws. Hopefully we will soon live in a world that governments invest in education and health care systems rather than barbaric executions to fight crimes.
It has been a long journey for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
how to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and their respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
. From using guillotines and electric cars to life sentences and community service. The question
still
remains unanswered. What is a befitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for a serious crime?

In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, there are two main approaches to answer this question.
Primarily
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is enforced
by the law to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. Death sentence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be the ultimate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for this matter. It was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
scary message to potential criminals and
also
a farewell to an actual one.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
we
still
encounter a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
-blooded murderer every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and again.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
strongly
doubt the effectiveness of the death penalty as it seems that nothing, even the fatal blade of a guillotine, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
from implementing his cruel intentions.

This brings us to the second influential factor: justice and morality. The whole reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
or religions or any kind of moral system exists, is to answer the hunger for justice we all have in our nature. Morality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
that homicide is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and logic decides that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
penalty is
also
homicide.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
as societies evolved, we all became aware that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
cannot diminish unless we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our ways; that peace is the path towards justice.

To sum up the arguments, the death penalty is neither effective nor moral. The rate of executions has dropped
dramatically
in this century,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
still
countries that continue to execute their criminals based on religious laws.
Hopefully
we will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a world that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
invest in education and health care systems
rather
than barbaric executions to fight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay The death penalty is the best way to control and reduce serious crime. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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