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In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development v.16

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development v. 16
The 20th century has seen numerous enhancements in the fields such as education and technology, medical science etc. , and these are beyond our wildest expectations. These advancements can be attributed to the upliftment of education levels, because the leading educational institutes around the globe has opened their doors wide open to international students; consequently, there has been migration of young generation from a developing nation to a developed nation. This trend of studying in an established country has benefits and drawbacks, which will be discussed in this essay. The prominent advantage is that, since the students from poor countries study in the foreign nations, and then is able to secure a job, so they are able to raise their family living standard. A report published by the ministry of Education in India, for instance, says that 98% of graduates from India, clear the GRE or GMAT exams and pursue their higher studies in the US, and finally, settle down by getting employed in a company. Moreover, such immigrations bolster the economy of a less populated nation by providing them energetic and brilliant brains to work. One of the prominent demerits is that this will lead to vanishing of some human race every human race is important in this world, the international students, when settled also marries the girls from that country, as a result, their own human genetics will diminish soon. For example, humans from Africa is good in athletics, or from India is good in science and technology, so when they marry a female from the other nation the natural traits of these races will be lost. Furthermore, it leads to brain drain of a country, the intelligent students are leaving their own motherland and they never come back because their country is not able to offer such a lucrative job. To conclude, education is a basic right to every one of us, so one is free to choose his own education path. By achieving academic qualifications in a developed country, one can provide his family a better future, at the cost of brain drain.
The 20th century has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
numerous enhancements in the fields such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and technology, medical science etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
and these are beyond our wildest expectations. These advancements can
be attributed
to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
upliftment
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
levels,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the leading educational institutes around the globe has opened their doors wide open to international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
;
consequently
, there has been migration of young generation from a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. This trend of studying in an established
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has benefits and drawbacks, which will
be discussed
in this essay.

The prominent advantage is that, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
study in the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, and then is able to secure a job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are able to raise their family living standard. A report published by the ministry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
in India,
for instance
, says that 98% of graduates from India,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
the GRE or GMAT exams and pursue their higher studies in the US, and
finally
, settle down by getting employed in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Moreover
, such
Possible spelling mistake found.
immigrations
bolster the economy of a less populated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
by providing them energetic and brilliant brains to work.

One of the prominent demerits is that this will lead to vanishing of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
race every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
race is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in this world, the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, when settled
also
marries the girls from that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
as a result
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
genetics will diminish
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
from Africa is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in athletics, or from India is
Use "good at" to mean "skilled" with school subjects. Try this: "good at science".
good in science
and technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when they marry a female from the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
the natural traits of these races will
be lost
.
Furthermore
, it leads to brain drain of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are leaving their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
motherland and
they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is not able to offer such a lucrative job.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a basic right to every one of us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
one is free to choose his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
path. By achieving academic qualifications in a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, one can provide his family a better future, at the cost of brain drain.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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