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Health education is an essential aspect of community health. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Health education is an essential aspect of community health. v. 1
Most of the young high school students are asked to gain short term professional experience or travel before commencing further studies. This has been a trend these days. In my opinion, both of these practices have advantages and disadvantages. In many countries, mostly the western countries, students are motivated to do a job or travelling after senior secondary school. However, it is believed that, gaining professional experience before going to the college will give you a good exposure to the real world of employment or travel fun. Moreover, students are in their growing stage of life, where they have just come out to a new phase. Taking a gap of a year's time will give an individual optimum time to learn a lot of things. Meanwhile, by the time they take admission into the college, they have already been groomed up by a year. This will also help them explore their field of interest and they can start working in the same. Although, many find disadvantages in this type of approach. They believe that it distract the young generation from moving towards the higher studies or travelling will decrease their interest towards studies. However, one should understand that, experiences always make a person perfect. So, children should be motivated. In conclusion, taking a break of about a year for working or travelling will mostly groom-up the fresh minds with practical experiences. It has many advantages and very few disadvantages, which can be managed. This will also help young minds to feel their favourite field.
Most of the young high school students
are asked
to gain short term professional
experience
or travel
before
commencing
further
studies. This has been a trend these days. In my opinion, both of these practices have advantages and disadvantages.

In
many
countries,
mostly
the western countries, students
are motivated
to do a job or travelling after senior secondary school.
However
, it
is believed
that, gaining professional
experience
before
going to the college will give you a
good
exposure to the real world of employment or travel fun.
Moreover
, students are in their growing stage of life, where they have
just
come
out to a new phase. Taking a gap of a year's time will give an individual optimum time to learn
a lot of
things. Meanwhile, by the time they take admission into the college, they have already
been groomed
up by a year. This will
also
help
them explore their field of
interest and
they can
start
working in the same.

Although
,
many
find disadvantages in this type of approach. They believe that it distract the young generation from moving towards the higher studies or travelling will decrease their interest towards studies.
However
, one should understand that,
experiences
always
make
a person perfect.
So
, children should
be motivated
.

In conclusion
, taking a break of about a year for working or travelling will
mostly
groom-up the fresh minds with practical
experiences
. It has
many
advantages and
very
few disadvantages, which can
be managed
. This will
also
help
young minds to feel their
favourite
field.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Health education is an essential aspect of community health. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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