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In the past, when student did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantage and disadvantage of this development? v.1

In the past, when student did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantage and disadvantage of this development? v. 1
Some would say that once students liked to acquire tertiary education in their nation, but now they would go to a foreign country to study. This essay will argue that although they may not return their own country and have the possibility of brain drain, they have better education and higher salary to study abroad. One evident benefit of going to a foreign nation is to get the best quality education and high salary. That is to say, developed countries provide a standard level of education and modern lap facilities which make students learn more and earn more knowledge. By doing a course in a foreign country, they may have more possibility to get a job in a global company which may pay higher money compared to their own country companies. For example, one of my friends went to Sydney University to pursue his MBA and now he works at Google and earned a lot of money. The main drawbacks would be the brain drain. If more and more students go abroad for their education and tend to stay there, there will be an imbalance in any nation. The reason is that a developed nation likes to take intelligent persons by giving scholarships from an underdeveloped country. By doing this, the developing countries are suffering more in the long run. For example, a survey found that 90% of students who went abroad for higher study and did not return and this mean that poorer nation becomes poorer for lack of intelligent people. In conclusion, although they may not come back home by getting more opportunities, it is their own choice because they spend their own money on their study and it is fair to take their own decisions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
would say that once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
liked to acquire tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they would go to a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. This essay will argue that although they may not return their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and have the possibility of brain drain, they have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and higher salary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
abroad.

One evident benefit of going to a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the best quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and high salary.
That is
to say, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
provide a standard level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and modern lap facilities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn more and earn more knowledge. By doing a course in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they may have more possibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job in a global
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which may pay higher money compared to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For example
, one of my friends went to Sydney University to pursue his MBA and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he works at Google and earned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money.

The main drawbacks would be the brain drain. If more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go abroad for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and tend to stay there, there will be an imbalance in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. The reason is that a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
likes to take intelligent persons by giving scholarships from an underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. By doing this, the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are suffering more in the long run.
For example
, a survey found that 90% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who went abroad for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and did not return and this mean that poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
becomes poorer for lack of intelligent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, although they may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back home by getting more opportunities, it is their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they spend their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
money on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to take their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay In the past, when student did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantage and disadvantage of this development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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