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In the past, university students had to go to lectures because this was the only way to teach large numbers of people. Thanks to technology, students no longer need to be taught this way. To what extent do you agree? v.1

In the past, university students had to go to lectures because this was the only way to teach large numbers of people. Thanks to technology, students no longer need to be taught this way. v. 1
Everyone wants to be happy in their life and for this they try every method known to a man. Currently a debate is going on between two groups of people about how to attain happiness. On the one hand, a group of people think that it depends on wealth, while the other group believe that there are other factors also. I also think that money is not the only way to become happy and this essay will discuss both sides of the point in detail. The point provided by the first group is very simple which states that the wealthier a person is the happier he is. They give the example of rich people around the world who live a luxurious life with their family and friends. To some extent their point is quite legit, because everything costs money and without money we cannot buy anything even our food. If we look around us and see the comparison between the poor people living on the streets and the richest people who live in a palace, surely we will agree that the rich guy is more happier. On the contrary, there are examples where we see that money cannot buy happiness all the time. We see plenty of people who are living in a big house which is completely empty, as they do not have any friends or family. All their riches cannot remove the pain of loneliness. Moreover, we also have the example where a loving family leads a happy life in spite of being poor. Being poor does not mean that one cannot be happy. A recent study conducted by University of MIT has shown that the rich people are more likely to suffer from mental problems than the poor people. In addition, there are some diseases which cannot be cured and having a lot of wealth will not alleviate the pain of a patient. To summarize, it is evident that money is not the only factors to become happy in our life. If we are self content and live an enjoyable life with our friends and family, then anyone can be happy with limited amount of wealth.
Everyone wants to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and for this they try every method known to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
a debate is going on between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about how to attain happiness. On the one hand, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it depends on wealth, while the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
believe that there are other factors
also
. I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
and this essay will discuss both sides of the point in detail.

The point provided by the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
simple which states that the wealthier a person is the happier he is. They give the example of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent their point is quite legit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everything costs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything even our food. If we look around us and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the comparison between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living on the streets and the richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a palace,
surely
we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
guy is
Use only "happier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more happier
.

On the contrary
, there are examples where we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
happiness all the time. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are living in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
which is completely empty, as they do not have any friends or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. All their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
riches
cannot remove the pain of loneliness.
Moreover
, we
also
have the example where a loving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
leads a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
. Being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
does not mean that one cannot be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. A recent study conducted by University of MIT has shown that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more likely to suffer from mental problems than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases which cannot
be cured
and having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
wealth will not alleviate the pain of a patient.

To summarize
, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factors to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If we are self content and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
an enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with our friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, then anyone can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
with limited amount of wealth.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay In the past, university students had to go to lectures because this was the only way to teach large numbers of people. Thanks to technology, students no longer need to be taught this way. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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