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Nowadays the use of social media such as facebook twitter and so on is becoming more popular than one on one conversation Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages v.2

Nowadays the use of social media such as facebook twitter and so on is becoming more popular than one on one conversation Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages v. 2
Technology has revolunized the world of communication. Presently, the trend of face to face interaction is taken over by using communication technology such as social networking sites in the entire globe. Here, this essay intends to discuss the merits of this happening outweigh demerits. There are numerous benefits of this phenomena. First and foremost, social networking sites connect people worldwide in order to develop social, personal and commercial relationship. To demonstrate, it is quite common to make new foreigner friends via chats on social sites. Such sites are also used for setting up commercial dealings with the group of people or enterprises. Hence, the role of social networking websites to avail the different advantages is phenomenal. Further emphasizing on my view point, communication technology is a boon for people who live far away from their families for their higher education, jobs and business. They can make video and audio calls to stay connected with their kith and kins. Social sites such as Facebook, Whatsapp, Instagram so on also allow people to send messages, chats and e-mails to remain up to date with family members. Taking a real life example into consideration, my brother living in England makes video call everyday and never feels homesickness or disconnected with us while living thousand miles away. Consequently, communication sites are extremely lucrative to bridge the gap between family bonds. On the contrary, it has thorny side too. To commence with, people have become introvert on account of social networking. Most of youngsters keep themselves engaged with chatting with Facebook friends and they do not spend quality time with their parents. For instance, they spend long hours on social sites and left with no time to share their thoughts and ideas in their day to day life. What is more, the addiction of spending long time using mobile and computer for communication leads to many health concerns such as weak optics, back pain, head ache and many more. To recapitulate, undeniably, networking for social talks has few negatives. However, the positives of web communication outweigh its darker side.
Technology has
Possible spelling mistake found.
revolunized
the world of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
Presently
, the trend of face to face interaction
is taken
over by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
technology such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
in the entire globe. Here, this essay intends to discuss the merits of this happening outweigh demerits.

There are numerous benefits of
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worldwide in order to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
, personal and commercial relationship. To demonstrate, it is quite common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new foreigner friends via chats on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for setting up commercial dealings with the group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or enterprises.
Hence
, the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking websites to avail the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
advantages is phenomenal.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
emphasizing on my view point,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
technology is a boon for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away from their families for their higher education, jobs and business. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
video and audio calls to stay connected with their kith and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "kin", the plural form of the noun 'kin'?
kins
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
such as Facebook,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
, Instagram
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
messages, chats and e-mails to remain up to date with family members. Taking a real life example into consideration, my brother living in England
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
video call
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
and never feels homesickness or disconnected with us while living thousand miles away.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are
extremely
lucrative to bridge the gap between family bonds.
On the contrary
, it has thorny side too.

To commence with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become introvert on account of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking.
After 'Most of', you should use 'the' ("Most of the youngsters") or simply say "Most youngsters".
Most of youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves engaged with chatting with Facebook
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
friends and
they do not spend quality time with their parents.
For instance
, they spend long hours on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no time to share their thoughts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in their
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life.
What is more
, the addiction of spending long time using mobile and computer for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health concerns such as weak optics, back pain, head ache and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.

To recapitulate,
undeniably
, networking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
talks has few negatives.
However
, the positives of web
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
outweigh its darker side.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays the use of social media such as facebook twitter and so on is becoming more popular than one on one conversation Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
344 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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