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In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend? v.2

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. v. 2
Shopping has become a status symbol these days compared to olden days. Earlier people used to shop only when there was a need. However, now people shop when they have nothing else to do. It has become a time spending activity. In this essay I shall discuss on both the views and give my opinion on what extent I think it is a good trend. In olden days, people used to do shopping only there was a necessity. Like they were doing shopping monthly for bringing the essential grocery items or household things. Furthermore, they were buying clothes only during festivals that too once a year. To illustrate, in the early days of my childhood, I used to get new cloth only on two occasions: Ugadi Festival and my school uniform. On the contrary, these days people shop to spend their time and consider it has a hobby. This generation buys things not because there is a need, but to spend money or to be on trend with the latest styles. Also, they end up in spending more money. But they are unaware of the fact that this time pass hobby has become their addiction to pull their hard-earned money. For example, recent survey which was published in the Times of India newspaper stated that, there is a drastic increase in the trend of shopping from 20% to 80% in the last 5 years. In my opinion, shopping is not a positive trend. Shopping for necessity things is needed, but it should not become the addiction or hobby. In conclusion, by looking at the above data and information shopping moderately to fulfil our basic needs is always good. However, it should not be considered as a hobby.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a status symbol these days compared to olden days. Earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
when there was a need.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shop when they have nothing else to do. It has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spending activity. In this essay I shall discuss on both the views and give my opinion on what extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
trend.

In olden days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
there was a necessity. Like they were doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
monthly for bringing the essential grocery items or household things.
Furthermore
, they were buying clothes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
during festivals that too once a year. To illustrate, in the early days of my childhood, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
new cloth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
on two occasions:
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ugadi
Festival and my school uniform.

On the contrary
, these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shop to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and consider it has a hobby. This generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
things not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is a need,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to spend money or to be on trend with the latest styles.
Also
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in spending more money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
they are unaware of the fact that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
pass hobby has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
their addiction to pull their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-earned money.
For example
, recent survey which
was published
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
of India newspaper stated that, there is a drastic increase in the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
from 20% to 80% in the last 5 years.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
for necessity things
is needed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
the addiction or hobby.

In conclusion
, by looking at the above data and information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
moderately
to fulfil our basic needs is always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
However
, it should not
be considered
as a hobby.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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