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In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. v.4

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. v. 4
Purchasing products has changed compared to the last century. Buying different items was a part of indigenous mission in the daily pattern. In the current time, myriads of individuals consider it as a pastime. I totally believe that this is a negative attitude because this has led to have a materialistic community, and decrease the financial resources of people. This is will be further explained in the following lines. To begin with, This newly introduced trait creates a throw-away-culture. Citizens buy products only to get the latest version for them, or aiming to have a better life because many advertisements have shown that if they posse this item, they will be happier. For instance, the latest governmental reports in the USA have shown that many Americans throw away their old electronic devices because they get outdated, not because they do not work efficiently. This demonstrates the malignant effect of buying continuously on community. Moreover, this recent implemented characteristic has led to minimize the amount of money which is saved. Many parents spend their income in shopping, and do not save enough money for their critical needs. For instance, in Egypt, many Egyptian guardians say that they could not afford schools’ fees, despite the fact that they had wasted a fortune in order to buy clothes. This manifests the disadvantage of having such as this bad habit, and to spend money recklessly. In conclusion, I completely perceive that this is a disadvantageous routine. This is because it creates a consumerist society, and creates tons of debts for its followers.
Purchasing products has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
compared to the last century. Buying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
items was a part of indigenous mission in the daily pattern. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
time, myriads of individuals consider it as a pastime. I
totally
believe that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitude
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this has led to have a materialistic community, and decrease the financial resources of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This is will be
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following lines.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, This
newly
introduced trait creates a throw-away-culture. Citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the latest version for them, or aiming to have a better life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advertisements have shown that if
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they posse
this item, they will be happier.
For instance
, the latest governmental reports in the USA have shown that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Americans throw away their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
electronic devices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
outdated, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not work
efficiently
. This demonstrates the malignant effect of buying
continuously
on community.

Moreover
, this recent implemented characteristic has led to minimize the amount of money which
is saved
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents spend their income in shopping, and do not save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money for their critical needs.
For instance
, in Egypt,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Egyptian guardians say that they could not afford schools’ fees, despite the fact that they had wasted a fortune in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
clothes. This manifests the disadvantage of having such as this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit, and to spend money
recklessly
.

In conclusion
, I completely perceive that this is a disadvantageous routine. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it creates a consumerist society, and creates tons of debts for its followers.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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