Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think is a positive trend? v.7

In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. v. 7
During the time, shopping endured an evolution: in the past, it was seen as a necessary needs, while nowadays, many people do to relax or as a hobby. I believe that this concept isn't a positive trend for a lot of reasons. Firstly, it creates inequality between riches and poors, because the second ones don’t have much money to spend for this, so there is an economic issue. Secondly, in your free time, you would go to a shopping centre instead of tiny and local market, therefore the money earned by selling local products drops drastically. Another trouble could be due to buying too many goods without a real need, thus it soars the price of primary commodities. In contrary, many consumers think how this situation is a wonderful way to do shopping. They analyse the lack of alienation caused by routine. Moreover, they hang out with their friends, improving their social activities, while they make a necessary task. Last but not least, they have observed who has a hobby away from home, as a result the risk of health problems plummets sharply because this type of person generates hormones linked to physical well-being. However, summing up, shopping can't be considered a hobby, only an interesting activity: behind the concept of buying products, there is a responsibility sense, likely boring, where a person manages his money for his family. To conclude, the personal welfare is caused by doing something funny, which could be shopping or other amusement, so it is better practising sports.
During the time,
shopping
endured an evolution: in the past, it was
seen
as a necessary needs, while nowadays,
many
people
do to relax or as a hobby. I believe that this concept isn't a
positive
trend for
a lot of
reasons.
Firstly
, it creates inequality between riches and
poors
,
because
the second ones don’t have much money to spend for this,
so
there is an economic issue.
Secondly
, in your free time, you would go to a
shopping
centre
instead
of tiny and local market,
therefore
the money earned by selling local products drops
drastically
. Another trouble could be due to buying too
many
goods
without a real need,
thus
it soars the price of primary commodities.

In contrary,
many
consumers
think
how this situation is a wonderful way to do
shopping
. They
analyse
the lack of alienation caused by routine.
Moreover
, they hang out with their friends, improving their social activities, while they
make
a necessary task. Last
but
not least, they have observed who has a hobby away from home,
as a result
the
risk
of health problems plummets
sharply
because
this type of person generates hormones linked to physical well-being.

However
, summing up,
shopping
can't
be considered
a hobby,
only
an interesting activity: behind the concept of buying products, there is a responsibility sense, likely boring, where a person manages his money for his family.
To conclude
, the personal welfare
is caused
by doing something
funny
, which could be
shopping
or other amusement,
so
it is better
practising
sports.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. v. 7

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
253 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts