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The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime. v. 5
It is undeniably true that there has been a tremendous development in the technology, nowadays. Some people think that this development has led to a fall in the rate of crime, while I argue that there has been no significant decrease in the criminal activities in the society, in fact they have risen enormously. Firstly, the increasing rate of cybercrime is a major concern, after the improvement in the technology. For example, in Pakistan, a few months back, there was a group of people who misused the technological advancement and robbed the people of their money. They, impersonated as army officials, called the innocent people, forced them to share their credit card and bank account details and stole hundreds of thousands of cash online, abusing the facility of internet banking. Furthermore, there are a few websites, that are not secure, as they track your details during online payment and later the users are left awestruck when they realize that those so-called trusted web pages have actually robbed them. Secondly, the number of kidnappings, especially for ransom money, street crime and killings, have also increased in the past few years, and the modern technology contributes largely to this increment. For instance, there have been reports of students being kidnapped by their unknown Facebook friends, who happen to be criminals, following them only to fulfil their villain desires. Moreover, the newly developed ammunition is also used by some people to spread terror in the society and threaten the citizens. To conclude, although the main reason for which the modernized gadgets were made, that is to provide the safety and security to the people, has been left far behind, because with their introduction and easy accessibility, the number of fraudsters, kidnappers and street robberies have increased hugely. And unfortunately, the caretakers of the citizens have failed to provide them with the actual benefits of this advancement.
It is
undeniably
true that there has been a tremendous development in the technology, nowadays.
Some
people
think
that this development has led to a fall in the rate of crime, while I argue that there has been no significant decrease in the criminal activities in the society, in fact they have risen
enormously
.

Firstly
, the increasing rate of cybercrime is a major concern, after the improvement in the technology.
For example
, in Pakistan, a few months back, there was a group of
people
who misused the technological advancement and robbed the
people
of their money. They, impersonated as army officials, called the innocent
people
, forced them to share their credit card and bank account
details
and stole hundreds of thousands of cash online, abusing the facility of internet banking.
Furthermore
, there are a few websites, that are not secure, as they
track
your
details
during online payment and later the users are
left
awestruck when they realize that those
so
-called trusted web pages have actually robbed them.

Secondly
, the number of kidnappings,
especially
for ransom money, street crime and killings, have
also
increased in the past few years, and the modern technology contributes
largely
to this increment.
For instance
, there have been reports of students
being kidnapped
by their unknown Facebook friends, who happen to be criminals, following them
only
to fulfil their villain desires.
Moreover
, the
newly
developed ammunition is
also
used
by
some
people
to spread terror in the society and threaten the citizens.

To conclude
, although the main reason for which the modernized gadgets
were made
,
that is
to provide the safety and security to the
people
, has been
left
far behind,
because
with their introduction and easy accessibility, the number of fraudsters, kidnappers and street robberies have increased
hugely
. And unfortunately, the caretakers of the citizens have failed to provide them with the actual benefits of this advancement.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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