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In the past, people wore their traditional clothes and followed their culture. These days, most people wear similar clothes and therefore look very similar to one another. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v.1

In the past, people wore their traditional clothes and followed their culture. These days, most people wear similar clothes and therefore look very similar to one another. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 1
To introduce, we can say that students are facing difficulties to get educated in a university. Although a student is rich or poor, he is still facing problems in order to get graduated from an institution. I disagree with the above statement because a wealthy person have higher chances to get in, but the poor do not. Let me start by beginning with the status of the guy, who is willing to get into the university. One of the detailed points would be, the candidate is willing to spend any amount of money in order to get into that academy. When a citizen is rich, he can join by a way called donation where, he spends money for studying for example train, pilot, etc. . . Whereas, a citizen with under status can't afford to spend huge amounts for their studies such as car, bus, etc. . . When evaluating a candidate with the score of the entrance test, even the poor have chances for his education. The only way for a poor guy to enter into that educational society is to perform well. Although a poor can't spend too much of money for his studies, the only way he can get into the institution is by scoring well on the test, which was conducted by that organization. So, we can observe that rich has more chances when compared to the poor. To summarize, we can say that the rich have more chances to enter into some university when we compare with the poor. Therefore, we can prove that the statement above doesn't apply because the poor have less ways. Hence, I recommend government to provide equal opportunities for both rich as well as poor.
To introduce, we can say that students are facing difficulties to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educated in a university. Although a student is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
, he is
still
facing problems in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
graduated from an institution. I disagree with the above statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a wealthy person have higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chances
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
do not.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
by beginning with the status of the guy, who is willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the university. One of the detailed points would be, the candidate is willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
any amount of money in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into that academy. When a citizen is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
, he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
by a way called donation where, he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
money for studying
for example
train, pilot, etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Whereas, a citizen with under status can't afford to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
huge amounts for their studies such as car, bus, etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


When evaluating a candidate with the score of the entrance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
, even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chances
for his education. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
guy to enter into that educational society is to perform well. Although a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
can't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too much of money for his studies, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the institution is by scoring well on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
, which
was conducted
by that organization.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we can observe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chances
when compared to the poor.

To summarize
, we can say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chances
to enter into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
university when we compare with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
.
Therefore
, we can prove that the statement above doesn't apply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun ways is countable.
less
ways.
Hence
, I recommend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to provide equal opportunities for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, people wore their traditional clothes and followed their culture. These days, most people wear similar clothes and therefore look very similar to one another. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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