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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.3

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 3
Most of he people argue that a proliferation of entertainment sources, which are invested by ministry, others claims the money should use to develop the public services, namely transportation, and revamp the historical places. I completely agree that investments should be useful to the public instead of leisure time activities. Firstly, spend money on most of the historical building, statue and places are helping pupils to get to know about the country's tradition and ancestor life style. This means the majority of historical places have not been properly maintained, thus if government concern about it and repair those could easier to teach children as well as people would like to visit and learn about it. For example, In Italy, the government spend the 30 percentages of tax to revamp or repair the traditional buildings and places to motivate domestic people to encourage and attract more tourism. However, spending money on available resources will be stay every generation rather than spend on short term properties. Another point to consider is that, improvement of public transport and roads are important to the country, In other words, improving the road and transportation help country to keep good economy state and make people to travel convenient. For instance, in India, the ministry allocated 50 percent of budget for developing highway and road, because it makes easier to transfer the goods as well as travelling. Therefore, invest in public services keep the county moving forward. In conclusion, I strongly believe that investment in the entertainment factors is important to keep public to be happy, although public services are a most essential factor.
Most of
Did you mean "the"?
he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that a proliferation of entertainment sources, which
are invested
by ministry, others claims the money should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services,
namely
transportation, and revamp the historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that investments should be useful to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
instead
of leisure time activities.

Firstly
, spend money on most of the historical building, statue and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are helping pupils to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about the country's tradition and ancestor life style. This means the majority of historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
have not been
properly
maintained,
thus
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
concern about it and repair those could easier to teach children
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like to visit and learn about it.
For example
, In Italy, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spend the 30 percentages of tax to revamp or repair the traditional buildings and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to motivate domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to encourage and attract more tourism.
However
, spending money on available resources will be
Consider using a past participle here: "staid", "stayed".
stay
every generation
rather
than spend on short term properties.

Another point to consider is that, improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport and roads are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the country,
In other words
, improving the road and transportation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
country to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
economy state and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to travel convenient.
For instance
, in India, the ministry allocated 50 percent of budget for developing highway and road,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
easier to transfer the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
as well
as travelling.
Therefore
, invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the county moving forward.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that investment in the entertainment factors is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
to be happy, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services are a most essential factor.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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