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In the past people liked to store knowledge in books. However, in the present, we prefer to store knowledge on the internet. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.3

In the past people liked to store knowledge in books. However, in the present, we prefer to store knowledge on the internet. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3
In the 21st century, the internet has proven to be profoundly popular for storing data. However, despite its expenses and cybercrime, I still believe the benefits of storing information outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, I concede that the cost of access to the internet is incredibly high for keeping information as compared to the books. Due to this, all people are not able to get access to the internet facility. As a result, they tend to prefer saving knowledge of the books which are cheaper to buy. Furthermore, there is a risk of cybercrime owing to the internet. For example, generally, if any, data has been saved or shared on social media account, there can be every likelihood to be hacked by cyber-criminals. Consequently, data which is personal could be misused or sold, whereas, there are no such issues in the books. However, the aforementioned drawbacks are the real concern, as saving knowledge on the internet has numerous benefits over the books. Firstly, the advent of technology has made it possible for the whole world to access the internet anywhere and at any time regardless of places and time. Besides this, due to the cutting-edge technology, flight passengers can use social media platforms through the internet while travelling in the air, which was even intricate to imagine until the mid-19th century. Moreover, easily accessible is another positive of saving data on the internet which is not possible in the books. Nowadays, there is the availability of prolific applications. For instance, if X student wants to know the best engineering in Canada, the whole list will come up on the screen and he can do the detailed analysis by just a single click on it. In conclusion, although I admit that internet is not accessible to everyone due to its heavy cost and information could be hacked by cyber-criminals, easy access to the internet across the whole world and recorded a number of applications are fundamentally valuable to save information. Therefore, I believe the advantages of storing knowledge on the internet outweigh the disadvantages.
In the 21st century, the internet has proven to be
profoundly
popular for storing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
.
However
, despite its expenses and cybercrime, I
still
believe the benefits of storing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
outweigh the drawbacks.

On the one hand, I concede that the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the internet is
incredibly
high for keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. Due to this, all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the internet facility.
As a result
, they tend to prefer saving knowledge of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
which are cheaper to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.
Furthermore
, there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of cybercrime owing to the internet.
For example
,
generally
, if any,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
has
been saved
or shared on social media account, there can be every likelihood to
be hacked
by cyber-criminals.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
which is personal could
be misused
or sold, whereas, there are no such issues in the books.

However
, the aforementioned drawbacks are the real concern, as saving knowledge on the internet has numerous benefits over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
Firstly
, the advent of technology has made it possible for the whole world to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
the internet anywhere and at any time regardless of places and time.
Besides
this, due to the cutting-edge technology, flight passengers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
social media platforms through the internet while travelling in the air, which was even intricate to imagine until the mid-19th century.
Moreover
,
easily
accessible is another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
of saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
on the internet which is not possible in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. Nowadays, there is the availability of prolific applications.
For instance
, if X student wants to know the best engineering in Canada, the whole list will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up on the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
screen and
he can do the detailed analysis by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a single click on it.

In conclusion
, although I admit that internet is not accessible to everyone due to its heavy cost and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
could
be hacked
by cyber-criminals, easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to the internet across the whole world and recorded a number of applications are
fundamentally
valuable to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
Therefore
, I believe the advantages of storing knowledge on the internet outweigh the disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay In the past people liked to store knowledge in books. However, in the present, we prefer to store knowledge on the internet. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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