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In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is greater than in the past. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is greater than in the past. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In the modern world, although many people are willing to reduce the maturity difference between parents and little people, others feel that this trend is a benefit for the development of the young ones, because they can live in a rich life. In this reason, they may get a better condition and opportunity in many fields of life, such as social life, education and business. Personally, I believe that this tendency should not be reduced by the authorities. On the one hand, it is true that the most essential factor for the upbringing a child is educated. In this regard, many parents could not afford a better school for their little people. However, mature parents can give this golden opportunity for their little ones. Furthermore, they can give advice to the younger generation based on their own experience. For example, they can teach the youngsters how to behave themselves, what skills should learn the teenagers and many other things. On the other hand, it may be helpful for young mothers give birth at a young years as when they get older, they will have a breadwinner. In the regard, they can have a grandchild sooner than those who engaged at the older age. Moreover, parents and children will be on the same wave. Accordingly, it gives them a greater number of possibilities, such as common interests, hobbies and other activities. For instance, they can play a football match together. In conclusion, although many people are keen to protect the marriage at older ages, some people believe that it is a negative tendency, as it can lead to not having a common interest between parents and children. However, personally, I believe that engaging in older age is a positive trend, as the people can give many opportunities for their babies.
In the modern world, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the maturity difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, others feel that this trend is a benefit for the development of the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a rich life. In this reason, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better condition and opportunity in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields of life, such as social life, education and business.
Personally
, I believe that this tendency should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by the authorities.

On the one hand, it is true that the most essential factor for the upbringing a child
is educated
. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could not afford a better school for their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
this golden opportunity for their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
Furthermore
, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
advice to the younger generation based on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience.
For example
, they can teach the youngsters how to behave themselves, what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
should learn the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it may be helpful for young mothers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
birth at a young
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "year"?
years
as when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
, they will have a breadwinner. In the regard, they can have a grandchild sooner than those who engaged at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
age.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and children will be on the same wave.
Accordingly
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gives
them a greater number of possibilities, such as common interests, hobbies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities.
For instance
, they can play a football match together.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to protect the marriage at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
ages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
tendency, as it can lead to not having a common interest between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and children.
However
,
personally
, I believe that engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
age is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend, as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities for their babies.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, the difference in age between parents and children is greater than in the past. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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