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Nowadays people moving to other countries for work. Some people say that it is difficult for children lives, others think that it is better for them. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Nowadays people moving to other countries for work. Some people say that it is difficult for children lives, others think that it is better for them. v. 1
In recent days, the populace has shifted to other nations for their jobs. Some people opine that it is hard for children to live there, while others believe that it is fine for them to move. Whilst a discussion of both these views is worthwhile, I am a supporter of the latter view. On the one hand, according to some relocating to developed countries might be harder for the young ones to survive in that climate. That is to say, they are sensitive to climate changes which might cause some danger to their healths. Also, they have to leave all their peers and relatives and that make uncomfortable for them to live in a new place. A prime example is, in India, people are relocating to other developed countries for their work which creates health related problems in their children such as skin allergies, cold and cough and so on. However, I do not support this notion because this is a temporary illness which can be cured in a couple of months and this should not degrade the juveniles future to stay in abroad. On the other hand, transferring to different place will help them to enhance their career path in the future. In other words, youngsters will get a better education which will aid them to improve their knowledge and cognitive skills. In addition, they will get good job opportunities when they have excellent academic grades. In Canada, for instance, most of the populace are from different countries and they are placed in top companies because of their training is in the same place. In my opinion, I agree that moving to other countries will improvise their learning and betterment of their future career. In conclusion, although planning to move to another location will make the younger ones to get sick often, I believe despite of the harder ways for children, the fruitful for them in literacy and their career path outweighs the other temporary issue.
In recent days, the populace has shifted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations for their jobs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there, while others believe that it is fine for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
. Whilst a discussion of both these views is worthwhile, I am a supporter of the latter view.

On the one hand, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relocating to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
might be harder for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to survive in that climate.
That is
to say, they are sensitive to climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
which might cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
healths
.
Also
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
all their peers and relatives and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
uncomfortable for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a new place. A prime example is, in India,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are relocating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for their work which creates health related problems in their children such as skin allergies,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
and cough and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
However
, I do not support this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is a temporary illness which can
be cured
in a couple of months and this should not degrade the juveniles future to stay in abroad.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, transferring to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to enhance their career path in the future. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, youngsters will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better education which will aid them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge and cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
In addition
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job opportunities when they have excellent academic grades.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
Canada,
for instance
, most of the populace are from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
countries and
they
are placed
in top
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their training is in the same place.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that moving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will improvise their learning and betterment of their future career.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, although planning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to another location will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, I believe
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
the harder ways for children, the fruitful for them in literacy and their career path outweighs the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
temporary issue.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays people moving to other countries for work. Some people say that it is difficult for children lives, others think that it is better for them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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