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In the modern society, many people find themselves being awkward in social situations like face-to-face gatherings. What are the possible causes of this situation and how can we deal with it? v.1

In the modern society, many people find themselves being awkward in social situations like face-to-face gatherings. What are the possible causes of this situation and how can we deal with it? v. 1
Nowadays most of the people feel themselves uncomfortable in front of the society and various meetings. There are some causes of this modern problem. Due to the internet people make friends throughout the world and chat with them via different websites. Therefore they become adjusted to talk through the internet, but not in real life, as face-to-face. Secondly, in these days people tend to divide themselves into high and low social classes. And because of this they feel themselves awkward in front of other people. In addition, the main cause is the background of a person. If people grow up in a close-knit, supporting and cheerful family, it will be easy for them to communicate without difficulties with their collègues or other acquaintances. And these people are often called extroverted. Being introverted and shy in front of others may bring some problems. For instance, at work or before being employed, people should introduce themselves and tell as much as possible about their achievements and present in front of the auditory some of their works that they have done. To solve this problem, first of all family should support and help to introverted person to feel comfortable among the society. Secondly, for these kind people who are embarrassed in the public, government should make some free courses, where specialists will teach to talk with people face-to-face without feeling themselves awkward. In conclusion, the main reason why people become introverted and cannot share their ideas with others are the family background and the way parents bring up their child
Nowadays most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel themselves uncomfortable in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
front
of the society and various meetings. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes of this modern problem.

Due to the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends throughout the world and chat with them via
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
websites.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they become adjusted to talk through the internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not in real life, as face-to-face.
Secondly
, in these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to divide themselves into high and low social classes. And
because of this
they feel themselves awkward in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
front
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, the main cause is the background of a person. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
grow up in a close-knit, supporting and cheerful family, it will be easy for them to communicate without difficulties with their
Possible spelling mistake found.
collègues
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
acquaintances. And these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
called extroverted.

Being introverted
and shy in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
front
of others may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems.
For instance
, at work or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
being employed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should introduce themselves and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
as much as possible about their achievements and present in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
front
of the auditory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their works that they have done. To solve this problem,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
family should support and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to introverted person to feel comfortable among the society.
Secondly
, for these kind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are embarrassed
in the public,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free courses, where specialists will teach
Did you mean "talking"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'teach' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to talk
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face-to-face without feeling themselves awkward.

In conclusion
, the main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become introverted and cannot share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with others are the family background and the way parents bring up their child
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In the modern society, many people find themselves being awkward in social situations like face-to-face gatherings. What are the possible causes of this situation and how can we deal with it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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