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In the last century, the first man to walk on the moon said it was "a giant leap for mankind”. However, some people think it has made little difference to our daily lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In the last century, the first man to walk on the moon said it was "a giant leap for mankind”. However, some people think it has made little difference to our daily lives. v. 1
Undeniably, space explorations have revolutionised our world since last decades. As Yuri Gagarin stepped on the moon, humans’ lifestyles have changed far considerably. From my view, the benefits humans earned from this section can be greater than the minimal drawbacks. On the one hand, investment on space projects is less important than other problems humans have. The first one is nourishment of the poor people. Each year, billions of dollars are considered by plenty of developed countries for this sector, while this money can be used in more essential parts, including farming. In particular, in Africa, thousands of people die because of the shortage of food annually; however, had the US government assisted these nations, more humans would have survived. Moreover, instead of focusing on the space voyage, international organisations must have pay attention more on refugees. Each year thousands of humans in the Middle East lose their home and have to leave their country. As a prime example, recently hundreds of thousands of People in Syria fled to Europe, whereas never sending a spacecraft to Mars can be useful to protect them. As a result, humanity has more important issues which must be solved than sending the man to the moon. On the other hand, I think the benefits gained by space travelling can be far considerable than its marginal drawbacks. The first reason behind it is that it has led other technologies to develop more. Definitely, had not scientists used space navigation technologies in aircraft, passengers would not have reached their destination so fast. For instance, the materials used in the body of new planes are copied from Shuttle, increasing their speed and having more efficient fuel consumption. Furthermore, it will help humans to find another planet for living. Obviously, knowing more about space and other planets will assist scientists to find another option except for Earth because we cannot predict how long our plant will be alive. For this reason, recently scientists in NASA are to send some volunteers to Mars to find out more about its environment and probable choice for living of humans in the future. Without having a thoughtful plan other generations’ safety might become more at risk by some unpredictable natural accidents destroying our globe. To sum up, although space exploration might be useless compared with other important problem nations have, its benefits should not be forgotten. I personally believe that it has led humans to live in a more modern world, and a safer alternative planet might be found by this development.
Undeniably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
explorations have
Possible spelling mistake. 'revolutionised' is British English.
revolutionised
our world since last decades. As Yuri Gagarin stepped on the moon,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans’
lifestyles have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
far
considerably
. From my view, the benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
earned from this section can be greater than the minimal drawbacks.

On the one hand, investment on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
projects is less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
problems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
have. The
first
one is nourishment of the poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Each year, billions of dollars
are considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
for this sector,
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "whiles".
while
this money can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in more essential parts, including farming.
In particular
, in Africa, thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the shortage of food
annually
;
however
, had the US
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
assisted these nations, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
would have survived.
Moreover
,
instead
of focusing on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
voyage, international
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have pay attention more on refugees. Each year thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
in the Middle East lose their home and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their country. As a prime example, recently hundreds of thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in Syria fled to Europe, whereas never sending a spacecraft to Mars can be useful to protect them.
As a result
, humanity has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be solved
than sending the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
to the moon.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the benefits gained by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
travelling can be far considerable than its marginal drawbacks. The
first
reason behind it is that it has led
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
technologies to develop more. Definitely, had not scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
navigation technologies in aircraft, passengers would not have reached their destination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
.
For instance
, the materials
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the body of new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
are copied
from Shuttle, increasing their speed and having more efficient fuel consumption.
Furthermore
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
to find another planet for living.
Obviously
, knowing more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
planets will assist scientists to find another option
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
Earth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we cannot predict how long our plant will be alive.
For this reason
, recently scientists in NASA are to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
volunteers to Mars to find out more about its environment and probable choice for living of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
in the future. Without having a thoughtful plan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
generations’ safety might become more at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unpredictable natural accidents destroying our globe.

To sum up, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
space
exploration might be useless compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
problem nations have, its benefits should not
be forgotten
. I
personally
believe that it has led
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a more modern world, and a safer alternative planet might
be found
by this development.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay In the last century, the first man to walk on the moon said it was "a giant leap for mankind”. However, some people think it has made little difference to our daily lives. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
420 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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