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In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree? v.5

In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. v. 5
It is sometimes argued that the primary purpose for heading to various shopping centres will only be for recreation rather than buying groceries and other necessities in the foreseeable future. While I agree with the idea to some extent, it is my firm belief that shopping reason will never be replaced by any forms of entertainment. Perhaps no one can deny that such retail complexes have transformed dramatically since the age of technological advancement and the evolution of customer service. The idea of area for shopping purely is never enough to keep these malls in business. These days, shopping arcades are becoming more and more amusing with the appearance of cinemas, bowling alleys, video games, cafes and even concert halls. For instance, a brand new mall completed in 2018 in my local area has earned the highest prize as a perfect place to hang out and be seen due to a wider range of entertainment options offered including spas and a fitness centre. Therefore, some hold the view that amusement will definitely the principal goal to visit those malls. Despite the strong arguments mentioned above, I still believe that there will always be a place for purchasing goal whenever people come visit these shopping arcades. Firstly, modern humans already have thousands of amusement parks which act perfectly as recreational spots. For example, a theme park can offer many various entertainment choices such as roller coasters, climbing walls and Ferris wheels which can never be found at a purchasing centre. Secondly, I cannot imagine a mall without any indoor stores and shops. Although more visitors are taking those areas into account as recreational places, there is still a high proportion of shoppers and buyers in millions of shopping malls and centres. For these people, coffee shops, gyms and other amusing options are just additional elements to make the shopping experience more fascinating and enjoyable. In conclusion, it seems to me that no matter how entertaining future malls will be, there will always be a room for shopping purposes as we consider factors of other entertaining parks and a larger percentage of shoppers in such places.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
argued that the primary purpose for heading to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be for recreation
rather
than buying groceries and other necessities in the foreseeable future. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, it is my firm belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
reason will never
be replaced
by any forms of entertainment.

Perhaps no one can deny that such retail complexes have transformed
dramatically
since the age of technological advancement and the evolution of customer service. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of area for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
purely
is never
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
in business. These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
arcades are becoming more and more amusing with the appearance of cinemas, bowling alleys, video games,
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
and even concert halls.
For instance
, a
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
completed in 2018 in my local area has earned the highest prize as a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to hang out and be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
due to a wider range of entertainment options offered including spas and a fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hold the view that amusement will definitely the principal goal to visit those malls.

Despite the strong arguments mentioned above, I
still
believe that there will always be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for purchasing goal whenever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
visit these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
arcades.
Firstly
, modern humans already have thousands of amusement parks which act
perfectly
as recreational spots.
For example
, a theme park can offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
various entertainment choices such as roller coasters, climbing walls and Ferris wheels which can never
be found
at a purchasing
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.
Secondly
, I cannot imagine a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
without any indoor stores and shops. Although more visitors are taking those areas into account as recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
, there is
still
a high proportion of shoppers and buyers in millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. For these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, coffee shops, gyms and other amusing options are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
additional elements to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
experience more fascinating and enjoyable.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that no matter how entertaining future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
will be, there will always be a room for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
purposes as we consider factors of other entertaining parks and a larger percentage of shoppers in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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