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More people today prefer to live alone in comparison to past. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples. v.1

More people today prefer to live alone in comparison to past. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples. v. 1
More men and women today opt to live alone than they did in the past. In my opinion, this is a negative development because it can jeopardize their own lives and, furthermore, can cause human to disappear. First of all, living alone can put one's life at risk due to missing first aids when they are in danger. Accidents or sicknesses can happen at any time, and people's lives are often saved by immediate actions from the closest person, such as the one who lives together with them. This is especially critical for those who are suffering from heart and obesity related diseases, because if the help comes a minute later, it is enough to put their life at 50% chance to survive. For example, there are many cases in Japan that people found dead in their apartment because nobody could provide an immediate support when they had heart attacks. Moreover, people's preference to live by themselves can cause human population to continuously declined or even disappeared. Naturally, humans reproduce by living together with the opposite gender. Whenever men and women prefer to live alone, they will not have kids. If this continues, the number of people in an area will continuously decrease until a point when the society will no longer have the next generation and, as a result, the population will disappear after the last generations die. For example, In Japan, the country's population has decreased by 15% from the last two decades because many people prefer to live alone. In conclusion, the preference of today's generation to live by themselves is considered to be negative. This essay pointed out the two causes which can occur because of this, while the high-risk to people's lives is being the first and human's extinction is the second.
More
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
opt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone than they did in the past. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can jeopardize their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and,
furthermore
, can cause human to disappear.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, living alone can put one's life at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
due to missing
first
aids when they are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
. Accidents or sicknesses can happen at any time, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
saved by immediate actions from the closest person, such as the one who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
together with them. This is
especially
critical for those who are suffering from heart and obesity related diseases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
a minute later, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to put their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
at 50% chance to survive.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases in Japan that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
found dead in their apartment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
nobody could provide an immediate support when they had heart attacks.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's preference to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
by themselves can cause human population to
continuously
declined or even disappeared.
Naturally
, humans reproduce by living together with the opposite gender. Whenever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone, they will not have kids. If this continues, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in an area will
continuously
decrease until a point when the society will no longer have the
next
generation and,
as a result
, the population will disappear after the last generations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
.
For example
, In Japan, the country's population has decreased by 15% from the last two decades
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone.

In conclusion
, the preference of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
by themselves
is considered
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. This essay pointed out the two causes which can occur
because of this
, while the high-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
is being the
first
and human's extinction is the second.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay More people today prefer to live alone in comparison to past. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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