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157: In the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional schools. Which would you prefer? Use reasons and specific details to explain your choice. v.2

157: In the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional schools. Which would you prefer? Use reasons and specific details to explain your choice. v. 2
Educational system is continuously developing, and the future will certainly bring major changes into this domain. While some students opt to go to traditional schools, others will prefer studying at home by using technology. I think the latter option is more advantageous, due to the fact that pupils are able to choose exactly the fields they like, and because they have time for other useful activities. I will explain my statement, in the following essay. First and foremost, students can choose to study exactly the fields they are interested in. If a student goes to a traditional school, he has to study the fields selected by the Educational Affair. Conversely, home schooling gives the chance to students to study whatever they consider suitable for a future, bright career. Even nowadays, home schooling offers this possibility. Moreover, scholars have access to thousands of online actualized materials, they can join study groups, share opinions and save a lot of valuable time. So, unnecessary fields are eliminated from their schedules, and pupils can concentrate on what truly matters. For example, when I was in school, I was forced to study music and painting, which was a total waste of time, because I am not talented at arts. Although I have an awful voice and two lefts hands, I was not offered other alternatives, and I still regret losing precious time. Thus, home schooling offers the freedom to decide on the adequate fields to study. To continue with, studying from home is time-saving because students do not have to spend time in traffic anymore, especially those who are living in cities. Furthermore, when pupils are at school they are spending their energy between classes too. Consequently, when they arrive at home, they need some time to rest in order to recover. Sometimes, they cannot have extra pastime activities because they have to do endless homework. But, by opting for home schooling, they have the chance to avoid all these situations. More and more students can do sports such as swimming, volleyball, football, or they can join music, art, theater clubs and so forth. These all bring a plus to their self-growth. To summarize, studying at home by using technology is definitely more profitable than going to a traditional school. This is because students can focus and improve the fields which are relevant for them, and because they have enough time left to explore other significant activities that contribute for self-development.
Educational system is
continuously
developing, and the future will
certainly
bring major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
into this domain. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
opt to go to traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, others will prefer studying at home by using technology. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the latter option is more advantageous, due to the fact that pupils are able to choose exactly the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
they like, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
useful activities. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my statement, in the following essay.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
exactly the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
they
are interested
in. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
goes to a traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
selected by the Educational Affair.
Conversely
, home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
gives the chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
whatever they consider suitable for a future, bright career. Even nowadays, home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
offers this possibility.
Moreover
, scholars have access to thousands of online actualized materials, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
groups, share opinions and save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
are eliminated
from their schedules, and pupils can concentrate on what
truly
matters.
For example
, when I was in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I
was forced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
music and painting, which was a total waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I am not talented at arts. Although I have an awful voice and two lefts hands, I was not offered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
alternatives, and I
still
regret losing precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Thus
, home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
offers the freedom to decide on the adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
to study.

To continue with, studying from home is time-saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in traffic anymore,
especially
those who are living in cities.
Furthermore
, when pupils are at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
they are spending their energy between classes too.
Consequently
, when they arrive at home, they need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to rest in order to recover.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, they cannot have extra pastime activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do endless homework.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, by opting for home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schooling
, they have the chance to avoid all these situations. More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can do sports such as swimming, volleyball, football, or they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
music, art, theater clubs and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth. These all bring a plus to their self-growth.

To summarize
, studying at home by using technology is definitely more profitable than going to a traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can focus and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
which are relevant for them, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
significant activities that contribute for self-development.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay 157: In the future, students may have the choice of studying at home by using technology such as computers or television or of studying at traditional schools. Which would you prefer? Use reasons and specific details to explain your choice. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
406 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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