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In the developed world, urban population is incresing. What are the main causes of this? What are the effects? v.1

In the developed world, urban population is incresing. What are the main causes of this? What are the effects? v. 1
IT IS TRUE THAT AN ENORMOUS NUMBER OF FOLKS ARE MOVING TO SUBARB AREAS RATHER THAN STAYNING BACK IN A VILLAGE. THIS TRANFER HAS MADE CITIES OVERFLOWED WITH THE INDIVIDUALS. FIRSTLY, THIS ESSA WILL DISCUSS THE MAJOR REASON BEHIND THIS TREND AND SECONDLY, DISCUSS THE DETRIMENTAL IMPACT ON THE ATMOSPHERE OWNING TO THIS MENACE. ON THE OTHER HAND, INDIVIDUALS PREFER TO MOVE OUT FROM A VILLAGE BECAUSE OF THE PLETHORA OF EMPLOYMENT OPTIONS IN THE SEVERAL SUBURB AREAS. AS A VILLAGS DO NOT HAVE SUFFICIENT NUMBER OF WORK OPTIONS. THIS CAUSE A FINANCIAL SHORTAGE FOR THE MIDDLE CLASS OR LOWER CLASS FAMILY'S NEEDS THAT MAY CAUSE JUVENILE EDUCATION DIFFICULTIES. FOR EXAMPLE, AS PER THE INDIAN LABOUR MARKET SURVEY, 80% OF THE INDIAN CITIES HAVE INDIGNANT NUMBER OF JOBS AVAILABLE TO THE PERSON THAT IS NOT THERE IN THE SMALLER VILLAGES. ON THE OTHER HAND, THE PRIME IMPACT THIS PROBLEM MAY HAVE IS THE ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE BY OVERCROWDING THE URBAN AREAS. WHEN MORE INDIVIDUALS LIVING IN THE CITIES, THERE WOULD BE MORE VEHICLE RUNNING ON THE ROADS. THIS VEHICLES EMIT THE HAZARDOUS GASES, CAUSES A NOISE POLLUTION BY HORNING. CONSEQUENTLY, THE ENVIRONMENT BECOME INFECTED AND GIVES AN UNUSUAL REACTIONS SUCH AS DOWN POUR IN SUMMER SEASON. FOR INSTANCE, ACCORDING TO THE WEATHER DEPARMENT OF THE UK, 70% OF THE URBAN AREAS HAVE UNSUFFICIENT RAIN, WHEREAS SMALLER TOWNS USED TO HAVE, THIS IS DUE TO THE MIGRATION OF THE PEOPLE. IN CONCLUSION, URBAN MIGRATION INDEED PROVIDE A MORE BENEFITS TO THE PERSON, BUT IF, THE ENVIRONMNT IS NOT SUITABLE, IT WOULD BE WORTHLESS STAYING THERE. THEREFORE, TO SAVE THE EARTH, THE REGIME SHOULD AID VILLAGERES BY OFFERING THEM AN EMPLYOMENT WITHIN THE AREAS, SO THAT THEY STOP MIGRATING AND THIS WOULD DELINE THE DEVASTATING EFFECT ON THE ENVIRONMENT.
IT IS TRUE THAT AN ENORMOUS NUMBER OF FOLKS ARE MOVING TO
SUBARB
AREAS
RATHER
THAN
STAYNING
BACK IN A VILLAGE. THIS
TRANFER
HAS MADE CITIES OVERFLOWED WITH THE INDIVIDUALS.
FIRSTLY
, THIS
ESSA
WILL DISCUSS THE MAJOR REASON BEHIND THIS TREND AND
SECONDLY
, DISCUSS THE DETRIMENTAL IMPACT ON THE ATMOSPHERE OWNING TO THIS MENACE.

ON THE OTHER HAND
, INDIVIDUALS PREFER TO
MOVE
OUT FROM A VILLAGE
BECAUSE
OF THE PLETHORA OF EMPLOYMENT OPTIONS IN THE SEVERAL SUBURB
AREAS
. AS A
VILLAGS
DO NOT HAVE SUFFICIENT NUMBER OF WORK OPTIONS. THIS CAUSE A FINANCIAL SHORTAGE FOR THE MIDDLE
CLASS
OR LOWER
CLASS
FAMILY'S NEEDS THAT MAY CAUSE JUVENILE EDUCATION DIFFICULTIES.
FOR EXAMPLE
, AS PER THE INDIAN
LABOUR
MARKET SURVEY, 80% OF THE INDIAN CITIES HAVE INDIGNANT NUMBER OF JOBS AVAILABLE TO THE PERSON
THAT IS
NOT THERE IN THE SMALLER VILLAGES.

ON THE OTHER HAND
, THE PRIME IMPACT THIS PROBLEM MAY HAVE IS THE ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE BY OVERCROWDING THE URBAN
AREAS
. WHEN MORE INDIVIDUALS LIVING IN THE CITIES, THERE WOULD BE MORE VEHICLE RUNNING ON THE ROADS.
THIS
VEHICLES EMIT THE HAZARDOUS GASES, CAUSES A NOISE POLLUTION BY
HORNING
.
CONSEQUENTLY
, THE ENVIRONMENT BECOME INFECTED AND GIVES AN UNUSUAL
REACTIONS
SUCH AS DOWN POUR IN SUMMER SEASON.
FOR INSTANCE
, ACCORDING TO THE WEATHER
DEPARMENT
OF THE UK, 70% OF THE URBAN
AREAS
HAVE
UNSUFFICIENT
RAIN, WHEREAS SMALLER TOWNS
USED
TO HAVE, THIS IS DUE TO THE MIGRATION OF THE
PEOPLE
.

IN CONCLUSION
, URBAN MIGRATION
INDEED
PROVIDE A MORE BENEFITS TO THE PERSON,
BUT
IF, THE
ENVIRONMNT
IS NOT SUITABLE, IT WOULD BE WORTHLESS STAYING THERE.
THEREFORE
, TO SAVE THE EARTH, THE REGIME SHOULD AID
VILLAGERES
BY OFFERING THEM AN
EMPLYOMENT
WITHIN THE
AREAS
,
SO
THAT THEY
STOP
MIGRATING AND THIS WOULD
DELINE
THE DEVASTATING EFFECT ON THE ENVIRONMENT.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In the developed world, urban population is incresing. What are the main causes of this? What are the effects? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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