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In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v.11

In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 11
It is argued that today’s young generation spend less time with their families and prefer to enjoy with friends. This is because most of the time parents are busy with their work and have no time for the family. I strongly recommend that parents should not enforce their kids to stay indoors. Children are more likely to go out with their friends rather than going with a family member because parents get very little time to spend with their offspring. In order to fulfil the basic necessity of kids, such as education and clothing, most parents certainly work overtime. As a result, they do not get enough time after work and completing house duties, so that they can pay more attention to their kids. For instance, a report published by BBC News revealed that 65% of parents, who have two jobs, nearly two hours at home. Forcing children to stay home is not a solution to this problem because enforcing can result in rude behaviour among youngsters. However, parents can arrange some activities, such as vacation arrangements or a family get together, so that kids would be able to get more time to enjoy with family. For example, if there is a little fun activity, such as a pool party, at home, children more likely to get attracted to stay home. This way parents would be able to maintain their relationship. In conclusion, parents are very busy these days, so children most likely to stay out with friends. However, parents should not force their kids to stay home, and men and women need to spare some extra time that they can give to their love ones.
It
is argued
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s young generation spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and prefer to enjoy with friends. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busy with their work and have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. I
strongly
recommend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not enforce their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
indoors.

Children are more likely to go out with their friends
rather
than going with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with their offspring. In order to fulfil the basic necessity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, such as education and clothing, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
certainly
work overtime.
As a result
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
after work and completing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
duties,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can pay more attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
For instance
, a report published by BBC News revealed that 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, who have two jobs,
nearly
two hours at home.

Forcing children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
home is not a solution to this problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
enforcing can result in rude
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
among youngsters.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can arrange
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities, such as vacation arrangements or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
would be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enjoy with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
For example
, if there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
fun activity, such as a pool party, at home, children more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
home. This way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would be able to maintain their relationship.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
children most likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
out with friends.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
home, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women need to spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that they can give to their
Did you mean "loved ones"?
love ones
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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