Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.53

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 53
Human beings have made great progress in various aspects, especially in agriculture in our contemporary society. However, it is said that the development of agriculture does not bring any benefits to a practical situation which is the hunger of people all over the world. This essay will examine the main reasons of this case and some viable approach to the problem. It is obvious that many countries have made some improvements to their agriculture industry such as developing methods of farming or utilizing technological advances. However, those improvements does not mean that the scarcity of food could be solved. Taking shortage of farmland for example. In remote areas, most of the lands are not fertile enough to grow seeds and plants because of soil erosion and lack of irrigation, although farmers have been informed of efficient ways of cultivation through remote viewing. As a result, inhabitants are forced to live at a subsistence level in rural areas, where agriculture is the only livelihood they can depend on. Another reason is that farmers’ poverty prevents them from purchasing modern agriculture machinery to cultivate the land as they would be burdened with debts, which probably means that starvation is inevitable. There are possible actions which help ameliorate this situation. First of all, the governments should provide food for places where hunger occurs, which would temporarily alleviate the world hunger. Secondly, it is essential that the authorities raise funds with the aim of supporting farmers with agricultural tools. This would motivate farmers to work effectively as well as contribute to land reform process. Another response might be long – term investments in these areas. For example, organizations and companies can build factories related to agriculture and employ local residents as the principal workforce. However, this solution should be considered carefully because it will take a considerable amount of time to be accomplished. In conclusion, many people believe that the progress of agriculture would not create a world without starvation. Nevertheless, I think that this situation could be resolved with the right solutions.
Human beings have made great progress in various aspects,
especially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
in our contemporary society.
However
, it
is said
that the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
does not bring any benefits to a practical situation which is the hunger of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
all over the world. This essay will examine the main reasons of this case and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
viable approach to the problem.

It is obvious that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries have made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
improvements to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
industry such as developing methods of farming or utilizing technological advances.
However
, those improvements does not mean that the scarcity of food could
be solved
. Taking shortage of farmland
for example
. In remote areas, most of the lands are not fertile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to grow seeds and plants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of soil erosion and lack of irrigation, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
have
been informed
of efficient ways of cultivation through remote viewing.
As a result
, inhabitants
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
at a subsistence level in rural areas, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
livelihood they can depend on. Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers’
poverty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from purchasing modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
machinery to cultivate the land as they would
be burdened
with debts, which
probably
means that starvation is inevitable.

There are possible actions which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
ameliorate this situation.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should provide food for places where hunger occurs, which would
temporarily
alleviate the world hunger.
Secondly
, it is essential that the authorities raise funds with the aim of supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
with agricultural tools. This would motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
farmers
to work
effectively
as well
as contribute to land reform process. Another response might be long
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
term investments in these areas.
For example
, organizations and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can build factories related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
and employ local residents as the principal workforce.
However
, this solution should
be considered
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will take a considerable amount of time to
be accomplished
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the progress of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
would not create a world without starvation.
Nevertheless
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this situation could
be resolved
with the right solutions.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 53

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts