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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v.52

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v. 52
It is true that a large number of people throughout the world suffer from hunger even though the agricultural sector has seen many technological developments. There are several reasons for this and the lack of resources and adverse weather conditions are the most important among them. However, there are some measures that can be implemented to tackle this problem. One of the significant reasons for why people do not have enough food supplies is unevenly distributed resources. In other words, it is known that most people who suffer from hunger are from underdeveloped countries where they have no financial support to conduct researches in farming. Moreover, climate change and geographical differences aggravate this problem. For instance, adequate rain, sunshine and nourished soil are the main requirements for growing crops, but they barely exist in some countries in Africa. On the other hand, even though some country has a rich harvest of crops, it is likely to be destroyed by flooding or other natural disasters which might be caused by climate change. There are many solutions that can be implemented / taken to overcome this trend. Firstly, developed countries can aid poor countries by sharing their technology and financial resources so that those countries can conduct research to find solutions to tackle the famine. Consequently, super seeds and plants can be invented which could stand against undesirable natural conditions, even if they are not blessed with good weather conditions. Finally, it is essential to tackle climate change with immediate effect. Otherwise, it will impact the whole world in a negative way. In conclusion, it is true that a significant number of people in the world suffer from famine even though many farming advancements are currently in use. This can be overcome by providing the knowledge and financial aids for people who need it the most.
It is true that
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throughout the world suffer from hunger
even though
the agricultural sector has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
technological developments. There are several reasons for this and the lack of resources and adverse weather conditions are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
among them.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures that can
be implemented
to tackle this problem.

One of the significant reasons for why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
food supplies is
unevenly
distributed resources.
In other words
, it
is known
that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suffer from hunger are from underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
where they have no financial support to conduct researches in farming.
Moreover
, climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and geographical differences aggravate this problem.
For instance
, adequate rain, sunshine and nourished soil are the main requirements for growing crops,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
barely
exist in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in Africa.
On the other hand
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has a rich harvest of crops, it is likely to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
by flooding or other natural disasters which might
be caused
by climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions that can
be implemented
/ taken to overcome this trend.
Firstly
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can aid poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by sharing their technology and financial resources
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can conduct research to find solutions to tackle the famine.
Consequently
, super seeds and plants can
be invented
which could stand against undesirable natural conditions, even if they are not blessed with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
weather conditions.
Finally
, it is essential to tackle climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
with immediate effect.
Otherwise
, it will impact the whole world in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way.

In conclusion
, it is true that a significant number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world suffer from famine
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
farming advancements are
currently
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. This can
be overcome
by providing the knowledge and financial aids for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who need it the most.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this case? What can be done about this problem? v. 52

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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