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In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v.25

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 25
Technology has been flourishing by leaps and bounds in every aspect; same is the case for the research in agriculture field. Several people around the globe are still starving despite the progress in agricultural science. This essay will describe a few reasons for this disparity and how to overcome this problem. There is no doubt that technology and research are growing day-by-day. However, is it expanding all over the world? The answer is no; technological advancement is concentrated among the prosperous nations. Thus, the developing countries are still cultivating their foods in old fashion. For example, the harvesting of rice is still done using animals like bulls, and buffalos, which is extremely time consuming and people are not able to harvest the required amount of rice in the given time frame, while in western countries cultivation is done using machines. Secondly, while the population is increasing at a drastic rate, the necessary foods do not grow at the same pace. For instance, in China, whereas the population has increased at a 100% rate in last two decades, the food source and paddy field have increased only by 45%. Hence, the supply of food is not enough as per the demand, and leaving people in hunger. The first and foremost action to tackle this issue is the knowledge spread all across the world. The technology and research finding must be shared by every nation, so that every country can utilize the advancement in agriculture to cope up with supply and demand foods. Secondly, every family must be aware to have a small family so as to minimize the population burst. The smaller the population size of a nation, the larger is food share; hence lower is the starving problem. To recapitulate, the centralization of advance knowledge and abrupt population growth are the two key reasons of hunger across the counties. These the issue can be eradicated by sharing technological knowledge and making people aware of merits of small family. There is a famous saying, "sharing is caring, and a small family is happy family".
Technology has been flourishing by leaps and bounds in every aspect; same is the case for the research in agriculture field. Several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the globe are
still
starving despite the progress in agricultural science. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
a few reasons for this disparity and how to overcome this problem.

There is no doubt that technology and research are growing day-by-day.
However
, is it expanding all over the world? The answer is no; technological advancement is
The usual preposition for "concentrate" is "on", "in", or "at", not "among". Do you mean "concentrated on", "concentrated in", or "concentrated at"?
concentrated among
the prosperous nations.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
are
still
cultivating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
fashion.
For example
, the harvesting of rice is
still
done using animals like bulls, and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "buffalo", the plural form of the noun 'buffalo'?
buffalos
, which is
extremely
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not able to harvest the required amount of rice in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time frame, while in western
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
cultivation
is done
using machines.
Secondly
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is increasing at a drastic rate, the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
do not grow at the same pace.
For instance
, in China, whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
has increased at a 100% rate in last two decades, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
source and paddy field have increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by 45%.
Hence
, the supply of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
as per the demand, and leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in hunger.

The
first
and foremost action to tackle this issue is the knowledge spread all across the world. The technology and research finding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be shared
by every nation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that every country can utilize the advancement in agriculture to cope up with supply and demand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
Secondly
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be aware to have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
minimize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
burst. The smaller the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
size of a nation, the larger is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
share;
hence
lower is the starving problem.

To recapitulate, the centralization of advance knowledge and abrupt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
growth are the two key reasons of hunger across the counties. These the issue can
be eradicated
by sharing technological knowledge and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware of merits of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. There is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
saying,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
sharing is caring, and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is happy family
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem? v. 25

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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