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Research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes when set free. What are the reasons? What can be done to solve the problem? v.2

Research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes when set free. What are the reasons? What can be done to solve the problem? v. 2
It is true that a large proportion of criminals are known to re-offend after they have been released from prison. There are some important reasons for this return to a life of crime, but there are solutions which could mitigate the problem. I believe that there are two principal reasons why many criminals who have served their sentences, commit further crimes when they are released back into society. Firstly, prison is popularly regarded as an institution whose purpose is to punish wrongdoers. There is a public outcry against being soft on crime, and many argue that only the full weight of the law will act as a deterrent, even though this is obviously not working. As a result, few resources are allocated to prison programmes which will help ex- offenders to make a fresh start in society. Secondly, prisons are overcrowded and often violent places, in which the most hardened criminals influence and intimidate other inmates, and form networks to plan future crimes, such as a criminal prison gang called the PCC do in Brazil. Steps should be taken to solve these problems. One solution is reintegrating offenders back into the community. Programmes which provide vocational training or academic study opportunities must be implemented in order to give prisoners a chance of rehabilitation and to find work. Some universities in the UK and the USA, for example, offer degree programmes to enable offenders to gain qualifications. Another solution is to segregate the most dangerous convicts, in order to prevent intimidation and bullying in prisons, from which offenders are released as even more expert criminals. In conclusion, while important reasons for the rate of re-offending can be identified, some steps must be taken to implement workable solutions.
It is true that a large proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are known
to re-offend after they have
been released
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons for this return to a life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
which could mitigate the problem.

I believe that there are two principal reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who have served their sentences, commit
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
when they
are released
back into society.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
is
popularly
regarded as an institution whose purpose is to punish wrongdoers. There is a public outcry against being soft on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the full weight of the law will act as a deterrent,
even though
this is
obviously
not working.
As a result
, few resources
are allocated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
ex-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a fresh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
in society.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
are overcrowded
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
violent places, in which the most hardened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
influence and intimidate other inmates, and form networks to plan future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, such as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
gang called the PCC do in Brazil.

Steps should
be taken
to solve these problems. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is reintegrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
back into the community.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Programmes' is British English.
Programmes
which provide vocational training or academic study opportunities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be implemented
in order to give prisoners a chance of rehabilitation and to find work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
universities in the UK and the USA,
for example
, offer degree
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
to enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
to gain qualifications. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
is to segregate the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
convicts, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
intimidation and bullying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
, from which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
are released
as even more expert criminals.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons for the rate of re-offending can
be identified
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
to implement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Research suggests that the majority of criminals who are sent to prison commit crimes when set free. What are the reasons? What can be done to solve the problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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