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17. Some people think that a persons improve their intellectual skills more when doing a group activity. To what extend do you agree. v.1

17. Some people think that a persons improve their intellectual skills more when doing a group activity. v. 1
As we all know, it is a long journey for a person to become a scholar. Some people believe that team work will benefit individual cognitive capacity growth. However, I agree with them under certain conditions. The essay will discuss my agreement with this view and also list my opinion against it. To begin with, it is a truth that team work will contribute to the growth of cognitive intelligence and wisdom in the certain conditions. If a team consists of cooperative team members who are willing to grow together, it will enhance their individual knowledge growth. There is a Chinese saying, " In a group of people with more than three individuals, there is always a teacher among them. " During team work,  team members will contribute their individual knowledge due to their various educational backgrounds, personal experiences and individual ideas.  People may learn new concepts or knowledge or ideas during team work, which may not be learned from books or limited personal experience. On the contrast, in certain situation, team work may diminish the opportunities for team member's cognitive improvement. For instance, it is a tough task for team members who work together with opposite views in religions or politics. Therefore, in this condition, team work will create conflict and it is a challenging task for each member to reach the same agreement. This will distort participants' thought rather than helping them to obtain knowledge. In this condition, team work might affect the participants' intelligence growth. In conclusion, team activity may not always contribute to the growth of team member's cognitive skills. Whether team work will enhance the growth of an individual's intelligence will depend on many aspects of team members, such as personal values, religion and attitude as well. I personally agree that the majority of team work will help the participants to obtain knowledge and become wiser.
As we all know, it is a long journey for a person to become a scholar.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will benefit individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cognitive
capacity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them under certain conditions. The essay will discuss my agreement with this view and
also
list my opinion against it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is a truth that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cognitive
intelligence and wisdom in the certain conditions. If a team consists of cooperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
who are willing to grow together, it will enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
. There is a Chinese saying,
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
In a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with more than three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, there is always a teacher among them.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
During
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
 team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
will contribute their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
due to their various educational backgrounds, personal experiences and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.  
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
may learn new concepts or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, which may not
be learned
from books or limited personal experience.

On the contrast, in certain situation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
may diminish the opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
member's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cognitive
improvement.
For instance
, it is a tough task for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
together with opposite views in religions or politics.
Therefore
, in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will create conflict and it is a challenging task for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
to reach the same agreement. This will distort participants'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
rather
than helping them to obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
condition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
might affect the participants' intelligence growth.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
activity may not always contribute to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
member's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
growth
of an individual's intelligence will depend on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, such as personal values, religion and attitude
as well
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the participants to obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and become wiser.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
51Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay 17. Some people think that a persons improve their intellectual skills more when doing a group activity. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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