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Nowadays most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions. v.2

Nowadays most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions. v. 2
In the past, people were healthier and energetic as compared to the recent era. There would be many causes, but the main cause is the development in technology. For example, modern generation can make them all work from their home without any movement. To keep ourselves fit and active, we should do exercise on the daily basis. If we look at the past, we will realize that people did not have much facility, so they had to do their work with difficult way, so they remained active. Nowadays people use different simple machines, which have made their lives easy and comfortable. This comfort has also brought some diseases and overweight problem in our lives. We can solve this problem with different remedies. Firstly, everyone should have the habit of morning walk, which bring fitness and organization in one`s life. On the other hand, everyone should eat according to one`s daily activities and one should not overeat. Thirdly we should do our work by ourselves, instead of using simple machine. Fourthly, we should read out the importance of fitness and have complete information about good and bad habit regarding our health. To summarize the arguments, everyone can achieve good health as the same way as in the past, but with the help of exercise and balance diet. Balance diet means, it should include protein, fat and vitamins. Without these remedies, people cannot become the fit and healthy as they used to be. Moreover, overeating, junk and sugary food should be avoided by the people.
In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were healthier and energetic as compared to the recent era. There would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the main cause is the development in technology.
For example
, modern generation can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them all work from their home without any movement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
ourselves fit and active, we should do exercise on the daily basis. If we look at the past, we will realize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not have much facility,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they had to do their work with difficult way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they remained active. Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
simple machines, which have made their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easy and comfortable. This comfort has
also
brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases and overweight problem in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

We can solve this problem with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
remedies.
Firstly
, everyone should have the habit of morning walk, which bring fitness and organization in
The character between 'one' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "one’s" (curly apostrophe) or "one's" (straight apostrophe).
one`s
life.
On the other hand
, everyone should eat according to
The character between 'one' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "one’s" (curly apostrophe) or "one's" (straight apostrophe).
one`s
daily activities and one should not overeat.
Thirdly
we should do our work by ourselves,
instead
of using simple machine.
Fourthly
, we should read out the importance of fitness and have complete information about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit regarding our health.

To summarize
the arguments, everyone can achieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health as the same way as in the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of exercise and balance diet. Balance diet means, it should include protein,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and vitamins. Without these remedies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot become the fit and healthy as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be.
Moreover
, overeating, junk and sugary food should
be avoided
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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