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The percentage of overweightchildren in western society has increased by almost 20 in the last 10 years Discuss the cause and effect of this v.2

The percentage of overweightchildren in western society has increased by almost 20 in the last 10 years Discuss the cause and effect of this v. 2
In the so -called digital world, physical activity of children and young people is very much less but the consumption of high calorie food has gone up. During the last ten years there has occured a 20% increase in the case of overweight children in the European countries. It would be a great benefit to us, if we analyse the causes of this negative development and to attend ill effects on over consumption. one of the major causes of the increased body mass index is a consumption of fast food. Today parents are mostly employed and quite often they have not time to cook food in their own home, so they bring junk food from the market. the influence that highly tempting advertisements of food exerts on children is to be counted as adding to the problem. in the advertisements they give fake information about the nutritive value and the flavours such foods offer. The delicious snacks and cusinines are prepared by adding various artificial test giving substances. Most fascinated by the advertisements to taste junk food. For another matter, most children of today spend their time in front of the TV or play video games. Due to this habit the fat and carbohydrate taken through fast food remain in the body and cause overweight. This type of habit adversely affect the health of all and specially of children who don' t get involved in at least a moderate level of physical activity and yet make a lit of intake, if fast food will soon contract to certain diseases such as heart problems, hypertension, diabetes and the like even in their early years. Their obese physical nature, not only affects their health, it negatively impacts their psychological well being as well. Ise student is too fat, the other students may tease him or her in front of others and in some cases nicknames are appended also. this will lead to low self esteem and depression in some children. Obesity is something quite controllable, if adequate physical activities taken up and the intake of fast food is done away with. There is no doubt that any normal person can lead a disease free and healthy life, if some precautions are taken and good habits formulated.
In the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called digital world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the consumption of high calorie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has gone up. During the last ten years there has
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "occurred", the past tense form of the verb 'occur'?
occured
a 20% increase in the case of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the European countries. It would be a great benefit to us, if we
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the causes of this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development and to attend ill effects on over consumption.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
one
of the major causes of the increased body mass index is a consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
parents are
mostly
employed and quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
they have not time to cook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they bring junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from the market.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
influence that
highly
tempting advertisements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
exerts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is to
be counted
as adding to the problem.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
the advertisements they give fake information about the nutritive value and the
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavours' is British English.
flavours
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
offer. The delicious snacks and
Possible spelling mistake found.
cusinines
are prepared
by adding various artificial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
giving substances. Most fascinated by the advertisements to taste junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. For another matter, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
spend their time in front of the TV or play video games. Due to this habit the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and carbohydrate taken through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
remain in the body and cause overweight.

This type of habit
adversely
affect the health of all and
specially
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in at least a moderate level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity and
yet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a lit of intake, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
contract to certain diseases such as heart problems, hypertension, diabetes and the like even in their early years. Their obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
nature, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects their health, it
negatively
impacts their psychological
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
as well
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ise
student is too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, the other students may tease him or her in front of others and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases nicknames
are appended
also
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
will lead to low
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self esteem
and depression in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children.

Obesity is something quite controllable, if adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities taken up and the intake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is done
away with. There is no doubt that any normal person can lead a disease free and healthy life, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
precautions
are taken
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits formulated.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay The percentage of overweightchildren in western society has increased by almost 20 in the last 10 years Discuss the cause and effect of this v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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