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In some societies, the responsibility of mother differs from the responsibility of father. What is the reason for this? And what do u think of the parental issues in the future? v.2

In some societies, the responsibility of mother differs from the responsibility of father. What is the reason for this? And what do u think of the parental issues in the future? v. 2
It is true that the patterns of a family have greatly diversified, and women generally make dissimilar parents to men. There are many reasons for this trend; in my opinion, I believe that the responsibility of parents can be changed in the near future. On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why mother and father have the different tasks in the family. Firstly, it is obvious that women play an important role in children caring because men are much more busy with their works and have to stay outside the home most of the time, while females have lots of spare time at home to share and take care of their children. Secondly, wives tend to appreciate to educate their children, especially adolescent stage compared to males, as the mother will endure enough to teach their children effectively. Thus, father is likely to earn money to fulfil their family’s need, whereas the mother is likely to look after and guide their children to the good persons. On the other hand, some differences in the patterns of the nuclear families may happen in the not too distant future. In terms of the structure of the family, women can become the main breadwinner of their families as an alternative for the father who always plays a necessary role in the family finance in the past decades. As a matter of fact, if the housewives only do housework, they will feel bored, whereas their husbands who are easily stressed are often overburdened with work. So effective solution is that both parents go out to work because females and males have the same literacy and social skills. Thus, the wives have equal working opportunities to earn a living as the household duties or have taken place by their partners, leading to lightening their workload. In conclusion, there are some reasons why members’ responsibilities are different in the family, and it seems to me that there are many changes in the family life with regard to family structures.
It is true that the patterns of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have
greatly
diversified, and women
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
dissimilar parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for this trend; in my opinion, I believe that the responsibility of parents can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in the near future.

On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons why mother and father have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
tasks in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Firstly
, it is obvious that women play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
caring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are much more busy with their works and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stay outside the home most of the time, while females have lots of spare time at home to share and take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Secondly
, wives tend to
The verb 'appreciate' is used with the gerund form: "appreciate educating".
appreciate to educate
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
especially
adolescent stage compared to males, as the mother will endure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
effectively
.
Thus
, father is likely to earn money to fulfil their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
need, whereas the mother is likely to look after and guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
persons.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
differences in the patterns of the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
may happen in the not too distant future. In terms of the structure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, women can become the main breadwinner of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
as an alternative for the father who always plays a necessary role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
finance in the past decades. As a matter of fact, if the housewives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do housework, they will feel bored, whereas their husbands who are
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
overburdened with work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
effective solution is that both parents go out to work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
females and males have the same literacy and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Thus
, the wives have equal working opportunities to earn a living as the household duties or have taken place by their partners, leading to lightening their workload.

In conclusion
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why members’ responsibilities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, and it seems to me that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
life with regard to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structures.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In some societies, the responsibility of mother differs from the responsibility of father. What is the reason for this? And what do u think of the parental issues in the future? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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