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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The things we learn from our friends are more important than what we learn from our family. v.437

The things we learn from our friends are more important than what we learn from our family. v. 437
During life we are affected by different people such as friends and family. Although our friends help us to grow and learn about social environment, the great role of family in building our basic characteristics and believes should not be disregarded. The following statement supports this point of view. Undoubtedly, friends influence our immediate lifestyle such as what to wear or how to behave others. Since, in any periods of our lives, we are in communication with peers who hold particular thoughts. And therefore, at those definite ages we are affected by those specific notions. In addition, after childhood people are more interested in experiencing new things and learning more about the world outside the domestic environment. And consequently they accept and follow their friends’ ideas and features more willingly. However, family members especially parents have some fundamental and lasting influences on children. First, they learn the children about their long term life. They assist their children how to think and guide them in deciding for their future career. Second, they construct the children’s attitude towards life and establish their creeds and thinking. For instance, parents can create the belief in children that learning and studying would be highly valuable, while they have always encourage the children’s curiosity. In conclusion, besides the important effect of friends in our life, we definitely learn essential lessons from our family which help us to carry out our duties.
During
The comma is probably missing here: "life, we".
life we
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Although our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to grow and learn about social environment, the great role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in building our basic characteristics and believes should not
be disregarded
. The following statement supports this point of view.

Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
influence our immediate lifestyle such as what to wear or how to behave others. Since, in any periods of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, we are in communication with peers who hold particular thoughts. And
therefore
, at those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
ages we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by those specific notions.
In addition
, after childhood
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more interested in experiencing new things and learning more about the world outside the domestic environment. And
consequently
they accept and follow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and features more
willingly
.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
especially
parents have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fundamental and lasting influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
First
, they learn the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about their long term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They assist their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and guide them in deciding for their future career. Second, they construct the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
attitude towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and establish their creeds and thinking.
For instance
, parents can create the belief in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that learning and studying would be
highly
valuable, while they have always
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "encouraged".
encourage
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
curiosity.

In conclusion
,
besides
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, we definitely learn essential lessons from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to carry out our duties.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The things we learn from our friends are more important than what we learn from our family. v. 437

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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