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Discuss both sides of having the real source of happiness in money and wealth, or in living with friends and family and so forth. v.2

Discuss both sides of having the real source of happiness in money and wealth, or in living with friends and family and so forth. v.2
Since the inception of human being life, looking for happiness was the biggest concern in our life. However, people get confused between two main sources of happiness, either living the life in pursuit of money and wealth or living own life la dolce vita with friends, family, or otherwise, enjoying the moment. So, I will endeavor to set this suspenseful issue forth as simple as possible. Admittedly, money concern is foremost among the majority of people as a result of its increasingly importance in human life. Additionally, most people assure that if they managed to have multitude of money, they could get what they want when they want without facing any obstacles to their aspirations and desires. Therefore, people do their utmost in pursuit of getting money as much as possible in favour of honor, majesty and happiness as well. Further, the last global statistic points out that the vast majority of people throughout the world, considering their differences in culture and background, tend to increase the amount of money they have, even if they have a large wealth sufficient for their descendants. Ultimately, tending to have money is something inherent in the essence of human being as well as no rational person can deny this inextricable fact. Despite all facts and evidences that mentioned above. Quite a few people contradict the idea of “money is life”, in all of its forms due to many reasons and facts such as the wisdom “ money is a facility not a goal” which means that people should consider money a tool to get their goal not a goal itself. In addition, the audience of this idea emphasize that depicting money as thing where the happiness is, needs reconsideration. A very logical explanation is that people seek to have much money planning to set their time aside for their own life for future. Thus, they would manage to spend time enjoying their life with companions and family. Meanwhile, they forget that they can enjoy life with a few bit of money better, because money distract people from the real happiness, the more myriad the money, the greater the stress and pressure you have. Eventually, happiness is concentrated on what you have not in what you want, therefore amuse your life blanking anything you hate out. Then you will figure out the real happiness. Taking all proves and evidences above in consideration, it' s obvious that the inextricable connection between money and happiness still baffle human’s mind. However, almost everyone realize certainly that money is not the happiness after spending the whole life in pursuit of happiness on it. Hence, we ought to reconsider our perspective and attitude towards the real happiness.
Since the inception of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, looking for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
was the biggest concern in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
confused between two main sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, either living the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in pursuit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and wealth or living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
la dolce vita with friends, family, or
otherwise
, enjoying the moment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I will endeavor to set this suspenseful issue forth as simple as possible.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
concern is foremost among the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as a result
of its
increasingly
importance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Additionally
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assure that if they managed to have multitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they want when they want without facing any obstacles to their aspirations and desires.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do their utmost in pursuit of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as much as possible in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of honor, majesty and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
as well
.
Further
, the last global statistic points out that the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throughout the world, considering their differences in culture and background, tend to increase the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
they have, even if they have a large wealth sufficient for their descendants.
Ultimately
, tending to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is something inherent in the essence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being
as well
as no rational person can deny this inextricable fact.

Despite all facts and evidences that mentioned above. Quite a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contradict the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“money
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life”
, in all of its forms due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons and facts such as the wisdom
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a facility not a goal” which means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
a tool to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their goal not a goal itself.
In addition
, the audience of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
emphasize that depicting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as thing where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is, needs reconsideration. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
logical explanation is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seek to have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
planning to set their time aside for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for future.
Thus
, they would manage to spend time enjoying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with companions and family. Meanwhile, they forget that they can enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with a
Possible agreement error. The noun bit seems to be countable; consider using: "few bites", "few bits".
few bit
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
better,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
distract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
, the more myriad the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, the greater the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure you have.
Eventually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is concentrated
on what you have not in what you want,
therefore
amuse your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
blanking anything you hate out. Then you will figure out the real happiness.

Taking all proves and evidences above in consideration,
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s obvious that the inextricable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
still
baffle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
mind.
However
, almost everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "realizes", "realized".
realize
certainly
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
after spending the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in pursuit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
on it.
Hence
, we ought to reconsider our perspective and attitude towards the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Discuss both sides of having the real source of happiness in money and wealth, or in living with friends and family and so forth. v.2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
448 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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