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Both government and individuals are spending too much money protecting animals and their habitat. This money should be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society such as poverty and health care. To what extent do you agree? v.2

Both government and individuals are spending too much money protecting animals and their habitat. This money should be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society such as poverty and health care. v. 2
Not only governments but also citizens are allocating a huge amount of budget to prevent animals and their habit from the threat. However, it is more essential to spend money on tackling society' s problems. From my perspective, I partly agree with this idea illustrated below. There are several benefits when ensuring the safety of wildlife. Firstly, a handful number of rare animals would be on the edge of extinction; therefore, if authorities do not invest funds in constructing wildlife sanctuaries, these kinds of species are likely to no longer appear due to overfishing and poaching. Secondly, scientists may rely on animal behaviors to define the best method for preservation of the natural habitat. For example, some kinds of crocodiles have abilities to predict the unprecedented events such as earthquakes, tsunami or hail. Apart from the statement mentioned above, the quality of human life is also especially important in social development. Firstly, living under the poverty line is a major problem in some underdeveloped countries. This is because the mortality rate is extremely alarming due to annual starvation without any financial support from local authorities. Secondly, the real shortage of healthcare services has negative impacts on citizens' health conditions. For example, the outbreak of epidemic in African countries might be the culprit of insufficient professional doctors, hospitals, and infirmaries. Therefore, spending money on these fields is fundamentally paramount. In conclusion, in my opinion, both wildlife and human life are equally crucial in society; therefore, the national budget should be allocated proportionately to these sections.
Not
only
governments
but
also
citizens are allocating a huge amount of budget to
prevent
animals and their habit from the threat.
However
, it is more essential to spend money on tackling
society&
#039; s problems. From my perspective, I partly
agree
with this
idea
illustrated below.

There are several benefits when ensuring the safety of wildlife.
Firstly
, a handful number of rare animals would be on the edge of extinction;
therefore
, if authorities do not invest funds in constructing wildlife sanctuaries, these kinds of species are likely to no longer appear due to overfishing and poaching.
Secondly
, scientists may rely on animal behaviors to define the best method for preservation of the natural habitat.
For example
,
some
kinds of crocodiles have abilities to predict the unprecedented
events
such as earthquakes, tsunami or hail.

Apart from the statement mentioned above, the quality of human life is
also
especially
important
in social development.
Firstly
, living under the poverty line is a major problem in
some
underdeveloped countries. This is
because
the mortality rate is
extremely
alarming due to annual starvation without any financial support from local authorities.
Secondly
, the real shortage of healthcare services has
negative
impacts on
citizens&
#039; health conditions.
For example
, the outbreak of epidemic in African countries might be the culprit of insufficient professional doctors, hospitals, and infirmaries.
Therefore
, spending money on these fields is
fundamentally
paramount.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, both wildlife and human life are
equally
crucial in society;
therefore
, the national budget should
be allocated
proportionately
to these sections.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Both government and individuals are spending too much money protecting animals and their habitat. This money should be better spent dealing with fundamental issues in society such as poverty and health care. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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