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In some country the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them. v.1

In some country the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them. v. 1
There are substantial health benefits if people walk regularly. Even though, people do not take a keen interest in walking due to certain causes. However, there are plenty of ways to create awareness among people walk. One of the most significant reasons behind this, fast pace lifestyle in this competitive world. People do not have enough time to pleasure in flora. Moreover, the lack of infrastructure and gardens in the crowded cities may be one of the causes. Even, people have to travel a lot to reach their workplace and they become a tired end of the day. Consequently, people are facing numerous health issues such as obesity, diabetes, heart-related problems and so on. This can be resolved by joint efforts of government and individuals. The government can run various training programmes with the assistance of NGOs. Besides, amenities such as separate track, garden with trees should be built by authorities in cities for people. For example, many European countries, providing separate tracks for commuters so that they can safely walk or cycle and transit to their destination. However, from an individual perspective, It can be managed by making a proper timetable in day to day life. In conclusion, economic growth and luxurious life should not only be a vision for any government and individual, but also perception towards healthy living standard is required.
There are substantial health benefits if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
walk
regularly
.
Even though
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not take a keen interest in walking due to certain causes.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of ways to create awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
walk.

One of the most significant reasons behind this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace lifestyle in this competitive world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to pleasure in flora.
Moreover
, the lack of infrastructure and gardens in the crowded cities may be one of the causes. Even,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel a lot to reach their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
workplace and
they become a tired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are facing numerous health issues such as obesity, diabetes, heart-related problems and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

This can
be resolved
by joint efforts of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individuals. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can run various training
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
with the assistance of NGOs.
Besides
, amenities such as separate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
, garden with trees should
be built
by authorities in cities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
European countries, providing separate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
for commuters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
safely
walk or cycle and transit to their destination.
However
, from an individual perspective, It can
be managed
by making a proper timetable in day to day life.

In conclusion
, economic growth and luxurious life should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be a vision for any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individual,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
perception towards healthy living standard
is required
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some country the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
224 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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