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What is the most important animal in your country? Why is the animal important? Use reasons and specific details to explain your answer. v.1

What is the most important animal in your country? Why is the animal important? Use reasons and specific details to explain your answer. v. 1
More and more children are becoming obese and developing various health problems as a result. The main causes of childhood obesity are the excessive consumption of fast foods and the sedentary lifestyle. Encouraging physical activity and promoting healthy eating habits are the best ways to tackle this menace. Fast food joints are mushrooming all over the world. They are a favourite with children because their meal is tasty and addictive. Unfortunately, junk food is rich in calories and various preservatives and additives. Regular consumption of these foods causes weight gain in children. Worse still, these days most children lead a sedentary lifestyle. They hardly flex a muscle. Instead, they sit in front of the computers and televisions for hours on end eating loads of chips and cookies. When the physical inactivity is coupled with regular consumption of fatty foods, the result is obesity. Encouraging children to get physically active and limiting their intake of junk food is the only ways to combat obesity. Parents must ensure that their children are eating healthy, home-cooked meals. While there is no harm in eating a burger or a pizza from time to time, children should not be allowed to have these only a regular basis. In addition, parents must encourage their kids to play a physically demanding sport like football or cricket. Playing a sport helps them burn the excess calories in their diet and thus lose weight. It is equally important to limit their screen time. In conclusion, children are becoming obese because they eat too much fatty food and sit for hours on end without moving a bit. Encouraging physical activity and limiting the intake of fast food is the only ways to tackle this problem.
More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are becoming obese and developing various health problems
as a result
. The main causes of childhood obesity are the excessive consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and the sedentary lifestyle. Encouraging physical activity and promoting healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits are the best ways to tackle this menace.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
joints are mushrooming all over the world. They are a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their meal is tasty and addictive. Unfortunately, junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is rich in calories and various preservatives and additives. Regular consumption of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
causes weight gain in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Worse
still
, these days most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lead a sedentary lifestyle. They hardly flex a muscle.
Instead
, they sit in front of the computers and televisions for hours on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
loads of chips and cookies. When the physical inactivity
is coupled
with regular consumption of fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, the result is obesity.

Encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
physically
active and limiting their intake of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ways to combat obesity. Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
healthy, home-cooked meals. While there is no harm in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
a burger or a pizza from time to time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to have these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a regular basis.
In addition
, parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
encourage their kids to play a
physically
demanding sport like football or cricket. Playing a sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them burn the excess calories in their diet and
thus
lose weight. It is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to limit their screen time.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are becoming obese
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they eat too much fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and sit for hours on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
without moving a bit. Encouraging physical activity and limiting the intake of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ways to tackle this problem.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay What is the most important animal in your country? Why is the animal important? Use reasons and specific details to explain your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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