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In some countries, young people are encouraged to work and travel for a year finishing high school and starting university study. Discuss advantage and disadvantage for your people who decide to do it. v.4

undoubtedly, education has plays significant role in individual's life. In many countries, students take break a year after high school and start University studies for work or travel. Despite of having some cons this step, pors are out weighted cons of the notion and I will discuss my views in upcoming paragraphs. firstly, year off, after completing years of school education is a welcome break for student and it well deserved too. Because students feel burben of study from many past years due to this, they prefer to break study a one year. They like to spend some quality time with their parents as well as friends. They are also keen interest to see different places in young age. young people more relax and comfortable. As a result, they make efforts to strong their relationship with own parents and friends. After that they do better work on their future goals. secondly, this period provides Ample opportunities to new generation to experience the realities of the model world. Those students who prefer a break can experiment with various forms of employment and thereby the experience of work which helpful for student in carrier. However, certain disadvantage are definitely associated with this trend. First of all, when student take a break from study. After this, when they are enrolling in university that time student face difficulty for doing study as well as they do not concentrate on their study after one year gap. Because every individual know that break from studies should not be encouraged as there are higher chances that the young people losse interest in learning. Morever, the employed youth due to sudden increase in their purchasing power. By this, they might be also get attracted by money. So they like to earn more money. This reason, they are always like to do work than University studies. In conclusion, although there are few benefits of encouraging youth to work or travel, the disadvantage of this trend of outweighed.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
undoubtedly
, education has plays significant role in individual's life. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
after high school and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
University
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or travel.
Did you mean “Despite” (or, alternatively, ‘in spite of’)?
Despite of
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cons this step,
Possible spelling mistake found.
pors
are out weighted cons of the notion and I will discuss my views in upcoming paragraphs.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off, after completing years of school education is a welcome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
for
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
student and
it well deserved too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
feel
Possible spelling mistake found.
burben
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
past years due to this, they prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
a one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. They like to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality time with their parents
as well
as friends. They are
also
keen interest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places in young age.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more relax and comfortable.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to strong their relationship with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
parents and friends.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
that they do better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on their future goals.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
secondly
, this period provides Ample opportunities to new generation to experience the realities of the model world. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who prefer a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
can experiment with various forms of employment and thereby the experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in carrier.
However
, certain disadvantage are definitely associated with this trend.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: “takes”.
take
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. After this, when they are enrolling in university that time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
face difficulty for doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
as well
as they do not concentrate on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
after one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
gap.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
every individual know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
should not
be encouraged
as there are higher chances that the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
losse
interest in learning.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Morever
, the employed youth due to sudden increase in their purchasing power. By this, they might be
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted by money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they like to earn more money. This reason, they are always like to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
than University
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
In conclusion
, although there are few benefits of encouraging youth to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or travel, the disadvantage of this trend of outweighed.
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You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
328 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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