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Although more and more people read news on the Internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Although more and more people read news on the Internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. v. 1
With the advent of the internet, now, it has become possible for people to surf anything on the web at affordable prices. Although nowadays,  many adults and youngsters analyse news on the internet, newspapers will always continue to exist as a vital source of information. This essay agrees with the fact that reading news on the internet cannot replace the importance of newspapers in the future. Still, there are few people cannot read the news on the internet because of the language problem and difficulty in accessing the internet. For example, some people can understand only their local and native language. Since most of the content on the internet is in English or translated into the national language of the country, people who know only their local language will not be able to get information on the web. Moreover, older people are not tech-savvy, as they are not from the internet era. They do not feel comfortable to access internet and usage of modern gadgets. Furthermore, In this age, the newspaper is the medium for passing time for them. Finally, on the internet, detailed news for a particular topic is not covered. On the other hand, the internet has provided us with a lot of benefits. With the use of the internet, a person now can get national and international news instantly at the touch of the button, for which a newspaper reader has to wait. Nowadays, most of the telecommunication companies provide internet at cheaper rates, so it is a very convenient and cheaper medium for people to receive information related to own nation or other nations. Moreover, people need not purchase and carry newspaper with them to read it at any time of the day. To conclude, I opine that, although the internet has benefited us in many ways and with the use of it, we can instantly receive national and international news, it cannot diminish the importance of the newspapers for all age groups.
With the advent of the internet,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, it has become possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to surf anything on the web at affordable prices. Although nowadays,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults and youngsters
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
will always continue to exist as a vital source of information. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the fact that reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the internet cannot replace the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
in the future.

Still
, there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot read the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
problem and difficulty in accessing the internet.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can understand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their local and native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. Since most of the content on the internet is in English or translated into the national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
of the country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who know
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
will not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information on the web.
Moreover
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not tech-savvy, as they are not from the internet era. They do not feel comfortable to access internet and usage of modern gadgets.
Furthermore
, In this age, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
is the medium for passing time for them.
Finally
, on the internet, detailed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
for a particular topic is not covered.

On the other hand
, the internet has provided us with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet, a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
national and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
instantly
at the touch of the button, for which a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
reader
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
wait. Nowadays, most of the telecommunication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
provide internet at cheaper rates,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient and cheaper medium for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to receive information related to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nation or other nations.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
and carry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
with them to read it at any time of the day.

To conclude
, I opine that, although the internet has benefited us in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways and with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of it, we can
instantly
receive national and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, it cannot diminish the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
for all age groups.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Although more and more people read news on the Internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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